Unbelievable true
by InsaneDutchGirl
Summary: Sometimes life doesn't turn out as you expected it to. Sometimes death doesn't turn out as you expected it to. But in a world of uncertainties, faith can always be counted on to be kind. Now you only need to appreciate it and not let it go to waste.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my very first chapter story and a plot which is bothering me for months now. I will just try it out and if you guys like it I'll continue. I also noticed a lot of people put disclaimers on their stories so I'll just do the same.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT. **

When I wake up, the first thing that hits me is that everything hurts. The second thing, are the memories. At first my head is calm and a little fuzzy but within seconds all I can see are flashes of green, blue, red, purple and brown swirling around in my mind. _Playing tag around the sewers. Leo reading to me. Raph showing me a wrestling move. Donnie giving me the toy car he had found and fixed. Master Splinter making my favorite tea. Us finishing our first kata. Our first night alone at the lair. Our first fight. Our first horror movie marathon. Our first time topside. Saving April. The time we fought Shredder. The Technodrome. Our party after. Meeting Casey. The Kraang invasion. _

My head clears enough for me to be able to stand up. It still throbs painfully but at least it's manageable. I peek through the slits of my eyes and immediately know I'm in an abandoned, half-collapsed, sewer tunnel. One I recognize. I stand up shakily. I need to make it to the lair. Donnie can probably fix whatever is wrong with me or at least give me some painkillers. I notice I'm swaying but I can stay upright. With one hand on the slick, sewer walls for support, I stumble towards my home.

I don't know if it was because my head was woozy and painful. Or maybe I just didn't care to check my surroundings. But if I had taken the time just to look behind me, a lot of questions would already have been answered.

I have no idea how long I've been gone but I hope it isn't too long. If I could only remember how I managed to get myself knocked out in that tunnel. My gear is gone and so is my mask. Was it an attack? I wish I would at least still have my phone so I can contact the guys and tell them I'm okay. But no such luck. When I know I'm close to the entrance of the subway station, I start calling for help. My head is killing me and the world starts spinning again. Suddenly a body slams into mine. Soft hands slowly reach for my arms as if they're scared they would go right through me. When they finally touch me I hear a gasp. I lift my tired eyes slowly and my vision is invaded by a blur of powerful blue. I can hear my name. All of my names. 'Mike, Mikey, Michelangelo.' No Bonehead though. The insults are more Raph's job. The hands are now lifting me up by my shoulders. Only now I notice I'm sitting on my knees instead of standing. I must have collapsed.

I try to get my shaky legs under my body when it happens. A hot, bright flash makes its way through my skull. I know I'm screaming but I can't hear myself. When I open my eyes I see a dark blue. Not the mask of my brother though. It's darker. Like it's night. I feel gravel under me, no sewer floor. Rain pours down. Then another flash, like lightning, and I'm back in the sewers. Leo's eyes, almost seeming light blue after the darker colour I've just seen, watch me worriedly. Now I'm sure I've screamed. I want to reassure him that the pain is over but I can't. Dark spots, black this time, evade my vision till it's completely covered. The last thing I notice is Leo catching me when I fall into his arms.

**I hope you liked it ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay so I hope none of you understood what happened with Mikey in my first chapter because that was my goal. If you did, then you're smart or I still gave away too many hints. However, this is chapter 2 and I hope you like it again. I'm really trying my best for this story. **

When I wake up I feel the soft sensation of my favourite blanket covering me. Leo must have brought me to bed then. And I think Donnie gave me some painkillers because my head doesn't feel as bad anymore. I lie with my eyes closed a little while longer, when I start to hear voices. My brothers' voices to be precise. They aren't in my room, the voices are too far away for that, but they must be nearby. I'm not that interested in eavesdropping but I can hear some words anyway. Especially Raph's as he talks louder while the other two seem to whisper.

"…Can't believe it," Raph says. "…Sure…isn't…Shredder?"

Wait, what?! What about the Shredder? Did I get attacked? Did they get hurt? Or Master Splinter? Or April or Casey?

"I don't…Raph," Leo whispers.

Good, I think. If Leo thinks Raph is wrong he probably is. My second-oldest brother is not the sharpest tool in the shed, you know.

"Where…he…then, Fearless?"

Great, Raph is speaking up. I'm trying to concentrate on what Donnie says in return but I can't hear it. Maybe I should just ask them but something in my right mind tells me not to. It just feels better to forget about this whole conversation and pretend nothing happened, no matter how confused I am.

I hear footsteps coming closer. They're in my room now, I'm sure. I try to breathe evenly so it seems like I'm asleep. At some point they're so close I can hear them breathing. I get nervous but keep my eyes closed.

"It's so surreal," Leo whispers, but not that quietly. I decide it to be the perfect cue to open my eyes and fake just waking up.

When light streams in I notice I'm not in my room, but in the infirmary. Apparently Leo just brought my blanket from my room to the lab. How sweet of him, I think, grinning. This is going to be some awesome blackmail material.

I look up and stare directly into three pairs of different coloured eyes. It's unnerving, to say the least, to wake up and have people staring at you.

"Hey, perverts," I mutter, cracking a smile. "This is creepy." I want to say some more but my throat is as dry as a dessert and feels like sandpaper. I cough a little but it doesn't help.

"Very funny, Mikey," Donnie says wryly. "But I guess you could use a drink, don't you?"

I nod my head enthusiastically, and regret it I might add, when it starts throbbing again. I guess the painkillers didn't completely fix the job after all.

Donnie hands me the glass and I hold it with shaky fingers. Since when did I get so weak? Leo immediately intervenes by helping me holding the glass up while I drink. Totally embarrassing, I tell you. I'm a ninja and can't even hold my own glass of water?!

When I'm finished Leo puts it down and watches me closely. So do Raph and Donnie. I wish they would just stop staring already. It feels very confined to have three older brothers hovering over you and watching you this closely.

"You need something dudes?" I ask them carefully.

They exchange glances which make me even more nervous. Not because they apparently know something I don't get, but because they look very…sad. They look like them, but there's something dark surrounding my older brothers. As if they're not entirely broken, but have once been. And now they're scarred. Old wounds which seem to open up a little when they watch me. Have I done something wrong?

"Can you tell us what you remember of the attack, Mikey?" Donnie asks me gently. I stay quiet for a while and try to dig through my memories. Nothing odd seems to have happened the last couple of days. Nothing I know of at least. Maybe it has something to do with the dark blue memory though.

I decide to just shake my head. My immediate older brother sighs deeply and I give him an apologetic smile. He gives me one back and pets my head.

"Those memories will come, sooner or later, Mikey. Don't you worry."

I look up at him, a little confused. "Can't you tell me what happened?" I ask him.

He merely shakes his head and leaves my bedside. He mentions for Leo to follow him.

"If I tell you about them, it might give you headaches again and we don't want that," he says with a blink. "You have to do it on your own this time."

I try to piece together what he just said, when Don moves his head over to Raph. I don't get why, but I've the feeling both Don and Leo have grown some, now I see them standing up. But I guess that's because I'm in bed or something.

"Can you stay with him for a little while," Don asks. "Leo and I need to discuss something."

Before we can either say something, the two are already gone. I watch Raph over and notice a scar that I can't remember. Well, it's not that strange. We've been through a lot lately. It could be I missed it. Still, I thought I never missed out on a scar when it considered one of my brothers. They are memories to me and although they aren't good ones, I've taken it upon me to remember the mistakes we made that day. They can never happen again.

"Hey, Raph," I say after a moment of silence. He grunts as to say he heard me but otherwise doesn't reply. "Don't you think Donnie is acting strange?"

My older brother's head jerks towards me. A wild glint is in his eyes before it changes to his normal, harsh look. "Didn't notice anything," he mutters before standing up. "I'm gonna make ya something to eat, alright?" I nod as I'm really hungry. It seems like I didn't have anything to eat for years! I slightly grin at my over-exaggeration but it does feel like I haven't been eating properly for some time. I watch my brother leave the room and stare at the closed door. What the hell is going on here anyways?

**Damn it this was difficult. I thought I could handle Mikey's character but apparently I can't. Maybe it's because I know him mostly from fanfictions others write instead of the tv-series. It could also be that, unintentionally, I put a lot of personality from my little brother into his character. They're just so alike! However, thanks for reading and please tell me how I did on Mikey (not the others, they are supposed to be a little OOC), or that I suck at writing fanfiction after all. **


	3. Chapter 3

**I know I'm new and all and should try to update regularly but I'm going through a lot right now and there isn't really anyone who can help with that. At least writing keeps my mind off but it can be I'll be offline for a week or two. Maybe not but just to warn you all. **

I've been in the infirmary for two days now and everything is getting weirder and weirder. The first day my brothers were all very distant and left me on my own mostly. Not that I minded that much because my headaches were awful. The dark blue memory keeps playing up but I can't really see anything more than the darkness of the night, and feel the roughness of the roof. It always cuts off too soon. Donnie has been asking questions about it and when I told him, he just got all quiet-like and left the room, saying he had to visit the bathroom. He didn't come back for two and a half hours though. Then there's Leo who seems on one hand glad I'm okay, well, mostly okay. But on the other hand it looks like he's afraid I might disappear or tell him something awful. He never stays with me for too long and doesn't like to talk. Still, he comes over very frequently. And at last, there's Raph. He's been acting the strangest of all but at least I have him to talk with. He doesn't appear as nervous as the others and always answers me when I have questions. Occasionally, though, he walks out of the room without an apparent reason. The only thing I know is that I can hear punching and kicking in the room next to me.

I just don't get what it is that feels so… different. My brothers act different, that's one. But it's not just that. Their appearances changed. I don't really know how to explain it, but it's like there are these small alterations in their faces and the rest of their bodies. They're still the same, and yet they aren't. As if I haven't seen them in years. There are these new scars too and I'm still puzzled about their height. Did they all get a growth-spurt? The same thing has happened to the lair. Or at least the infirmary as I haven't really seen much of the lair yet. The room is still mostly like it used to be, but there seem to be some new technological-thingies of Don's. Others have disappeared and some have moved place. These aren't big changes but it does give the room a different vibe.

And then there's my biggest problem of all. The one thing that troubles me the most. Master Splinter hasn't come to see me yet. Every time I ask my brothers about it they say sensei isn't home right now but they won't tell me where exactly he is either. They let me sit in the dark, like with everything actually. It's even literally when they walk out of the room without a legit reason. I'm getting sick of this. My head doesn't throb as much anymore and otherwise I feel perfectly fine. Time to get out of bed and look for the answers myself. No way they're going to keep me out of this.

I stand up and walk steadily towards the door. I really feel better after all the medicine Donnie's been forcing down my throat the last two days. When I open the door there's no one in the living room. Voices come from the dojo however so I go that way.

"You sure it's Mikey's, right Donnie?" Leo asks. I stop at the door again. A small voice in my head berates me for eavesdropping on my brothers for the second time in two days, but I don't care.

"Positive. I've saved our DNA-codes on my computer and the sample I got from this Mike is a 100% match."

"And you're sure he ain't no clone from Shredder or somethin'?" Raph asks next. What the hell?! Clone? How can my brothers think that? Is that why they acted so weird around me? Can I be one without even kno-?

"Absolutely," Donnie answers. "If he would've been a clone, and I highly doubt anyone would be able to produce such an accurate replica, then his cells would be decrepit. That isn't the case. We have our Mikey back, guys. I'm sure of it."

I decide it's time for me to step in. I want to know what's going on in here and I want to know it now. My brothers look shocked when they see me but I don't feel the need to joke and relieve the tense hanging around us. This is serious and I'll show them I mean it that way.

"Guys, you're holding things back from me," I state. They don't reply which is as good as a confession. "Why do you do that? And what is it? Why did you think I was a clone?" I whisper the last question, scared of the answer.

Raph takes two steps in my direction, a determined look on his face.

"Raphael, don't," Leo demands but Raph doesn't care. He doesn't even look at his oldest brother when saying: "He needs ta know Leo and ya know it as good as I do. He deserves ta know."

I nod and feel Raph's hands land on my shoulders. They're cold but I don't mind. I look in his fiery gaze and see all sorts of emotions run through his eyes. I've never seen my older brother this upset. He was always the strong one, the one to keep us all safe. What had happened to him? To them?

"Mikey," Raph begins. "You died. You died three years ago. You were dead, buried, mourned. And now you're standing here right in front of us. That's what happened, bro."

**As I wasn't really sure how to keep up the secret any longer without updating another boring chapter with too many descriptions, I decided just to tell. So… what do you think of characters coming back from the death? A lot happier than I deadfic right? I think so at least.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Wow, I never thought people would be actually reading this and liking it! Your reviews really give me the boost to want to continue. According to my brother they're addictive so if you want me to update soon, send as much as you can so I'll want more and more and thus write more and more. See how the vicious cycle works? **

I laugh my head off. What, are these guys trying to fool me?! Because this must be the worst joke they ever came up with.

"Mikey, are you okay?" Raph asks me nervously. I nod and chuckle lightly. They all look at me with fearful eyes and my laughter slowly dies. They look so serious.

"It's true, little brother. It really is," Leo tells me while locking his eyes with mine. I look straight into them and see nothing but sincerity and worry.

That's when I start feeling completely numb. I can't feel the hands on my shoulders anymore and neither can I see my brothers standing right in front of me. Everything is a blur and I feel like getting sick. Dead? Like 'not moving, thinking or breathing' dead? Is that what happened to me?

"I thought being dead felt different," I mumble slowly. And I really do. I was always scared of death because it could take a member of my family away from me forever. But I also welcomed it as an ally because if there would be this time when I would really hurt too much, death would be the cure. My older brothers (they really are much older now, aren't they?) circle around me, all touching my skin in an effort to comfort me in some way.

"It's because you aren't dead now, Mikey," Donnie tells me. "You have a pulse."

I nod but the information doesn't really sink in. All I can wonder about is where I've been the last three years. But there's nothing in between the dark blue memory and when I woke up in the sewers. What happened to me? And if I'm really dead, how am I still here?

"I c-can't bel-lie…" The numb feeling is replaced by an ice-cold spot which slowly spreads from my arms, to my head and on to the rest of my body. My mind rushes and my heart pounds against my chest.

"He's in shock," I hear Don say. "Maybe we should show him his room. It can help him accept it if he can believe it. For that he needs to see it."

I feel being steered upstairs. I walk along. I'm not interested in anything they want to show me. I just want to know what happened to me, why I was dead, who did that, where I've been and how I came back. But most of all, I want my complete family being around me and us being back to normal. Like we used to be when we were fifteen. The problem is that I'm the only one left fifteen. I missed out on those three years of growing up with them.

A door is opened and only when I step into the room, I notice it's my bedroom. It's clean though. Everything I own, or owned when I was alive, is still there but it is now neatly put away into cupboards and closets. On my desk all my drawings and notebooks are piled up into different stacks. I think my drawing utensils are in the drawers because I can't see them on the desk, were I used to leave them. My bed is made and I can see where my favourite blanket must have laid because the cover is slightly dented at the footboard. It's obvious they keep the room clean. In the middle of it, a place I didn't even know existed because of all the clutter that once covered it, is a small table. I see a picture I once drew of me and my brothers, framed in wood. An orange bow is tied around it, two nunchucks lying in front. Two candles guard the sides of the picture and there is a small bowl in which I know you can burn letters to send to the one past away.

My brothers stand around me quietly, Donnie's eyes watering slightly at the sight. Leo's arm wraps around my neck, as to make sure I'm still there and not actually gone. Raph watches the shrine stoically and deep down inside, I know he's spent the most time in this room out of all of them.

"We didn't have any pictures of you on yer own. Of course we don't have a photograph but we thought your pictures would do. But you neva liked to draw yourself, did ya?" Raph asks me.

I shake my head. My family had always been everything to me and therefore I would always draw them. I wasn't important, at least not to myself. I only drew pictures of me when it was a memory in which we all were present. The one in the frame is one of the best memories. It's just a simple one of the four of us in front of the television. Donnie and I watch Leo and Raph play a game. I was sick that day and they had moved all of the pillows and blankets into the living room so I didn't feel left out. That was an awesome day. I think we were thirteen then, maybe younger. When everything was still simple.

"I've died," I say suddenly. It sounds strange to say it out loud like a statement; like it's true. But I know it's true and it makes me feel less sick to think about it that way. To think about it as a fact.

"Yes, Michelangelo, you've died. But you've returned as well. You're standing here with us," Leo says calmly, although I can hear a slight shiver shaking his words. "And that's what we need to focus on now."

I look at my older brother with wide eyes. Go on? Just like that? I just came back from death and as far as I know, that's not the norm! But when I look into Leo's dark blue oceans, I notice a pleading look. There's something he doesn't want to tell me. And I want to know what that is. But if none of them will speak up, maybe I should ask someone else. Maybe they're not going to like it, but it's time to get everyone here. Wouldn't they be glad to see me too, by the way? I've been gone for so long. Now I think about it, why aren't they here yet?

"Where's April and Casey, guys? And Master Splinter. Shouldn't they be here too? I want to see them," I say, looking up at all of them. I've always been the shortest out of all of my brothers but now I really have to look up to them.

I notice how their faces pale and how Raph's breathing becomes slightly harsher. Eventually it's Donnie who takes me by the hand and leads me out of the room. "We will tell you, but not here. It's time you get to know everything that happened."

**Alright I know it's a suckish ending with leaving you in the dark again, but I couldn't come up with anything better. The scene in which they tell Mikey how he died, needs to be so damn perfect that even I'm going to cry. This one is more about shock and thoughts and less about emotions because Mikey obviously needs to process everything first, but the next chapter really has to rock! Oh well, I'll just work on it day and night and you'll see it later on. Don't forget to review! Please? I like them, they make me happy. And happy girls need less sleep which means more time for writing. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay, so I desperately hope you guys like this chapter. It's kinda important in the story and I want it to be perfect therefore. And please don't kill me for what I'm about to do. I totally love all the characters in the show but I need this story to be more dramatic so here you go. But really, I don't hate anyone so please don't hate me for it. *steals Mikey's puppy-dog eyes.***

We're all sitting in the living room. I'm on the couch with Raph on my left side and Don on my right. Leo's standing in front of me, looking down at me with an unreadable look. Raph seems to be angry but that isn't what scares me about him. He's afraid, I know it. And I've never seen Raph afraid; ever. It worries me of what is to come. Especially with Donnie's sympathetic smile which he flashes at me every few seconds. It makes me wonder what Leo is going to tell me. What has happened that could change my family so much?

"I think it's best to start at the beginning, little brother," Leo says. I nod and look up at him, staring straight into his eyes. I'm ready for whatever he's going to throw at me. I can handle it.

Leo softly sighs and continues: "It was just a few weeks after the invasion of the Kraang. Everything seemed to be going fine, well as fine as it could go for us. Life went on normally. But Shredder had planned an ambush. We hadn't seen him for a long time up until one night. We stopped over at Murakami's. When we came in, Murakami was gone; killed by Tigerclaw. He was there with Razhar, Fishface, Stockman and the largest number of footsoldiers and footbots I've ever seen. Even Shredder himself was present."

My breath hitches a little and Leo stops. Murakami is dead? We were ambushed? And I can't remember a single thing about it. How did that happen?

Leo's eyes are focused on mine, asking me permission to continue. I give him a nod with a slight smile to let him know I'm okay, but I don't think he buys it. There are tears in my eyes, for god's sake. He goes on telling however. I think he knows how much I need it. Even if it will hurt me.

"We were trapped and couldn't go anywhere so we fought. But we weren't winning. In only minutes we were exhausted. Raph was the first to get hurt bad by shielding Donnie from an attack by Fishface. He was poisoned again but it didn't weaken him as much as the first time. According to Don it's because he is growing immune for the stuff."

Don slowly nods but doesn't say anything. We always do it like that when three of us have to tell the last one something important. Unless it's Leo, who it rarely is, our leader will tell the full story while the other two will keep their mouths shut. That way the one who is told, will not get confused or upset that easily. We have found that out when we were very little and we would get upset or confused fairly quickly. Stories aren't told that well when you get three different versions at the same time, you know.

"But that didn't mean Raph was out of danger. Eventually it was you who called Master Splinter for help, but only because I asked you to," Leo adds the one sentence in a hurry which makes me feel sick. Does he… I shake my head. First the story, Mikey, I tell myself. First the story.

"When he arrived I had been stabbed by a footsoldier and had several burns because of Tigerclaw. Donnie had a broken wrist which meant he couldn't use his bostaff anymore, and had some deep scratches made by the Shredder across his plastron. You were hit in your leg with two shuriken and had been hit in your plastron at some point because you were wheezing. Raph was still suffering from the poison so we tried to protect him the best we could. "

I can feel Raph's fear being replaced by the anger which was still boiling deep inside of him. Of course he was angry. He doesn't say it out loud, but he thinks of himself as the muscle of the family; our protector. He must have felt awful that he had to be protected that night. Shell (A/N is this in the right context because someone used it in a review and I thought it was funny), he still feels awful. I brush my hand over his and he unclenches his fists slightly. After living with the hothead for so long, I know what to do to calm him down.

"With Master Splinter the fight went a little easier. We managed to kill Stockman and mortally wound Fishface. Most of the foot were also dead. But we were tired. We were just so tired," tears flood Leo's eyes and I feel the need to hug him. But I know that isn't going to solve anything now. The only way to make Leo, or any of my brothers, feel better is to have them stop reliving this memory. And as much as I want to do that, I'm too selfish. It's too important to know what has happened to me. What has happened to everyone?

"Raph eventually got back into the fight but it wasn't enough. The moment sensei fought with us, Shredder started to fight as well and with Tigerclaw, Razhar and still more than fifty footbots at his side, they were too strong. When me and Donnie got hit with a taser, Raph moved to help us out. You tried to stop anyone from closing in but Razhar managed to corner you. You flipped over him and made your way through a window. I'm not sure what happened, but there was fighting on the roof."

My eyes widen. I can feel my heart beating harshly inside my ribcage and sweat dripping down my face, as if I'm suddenly full of adrenaline. I can hear my brothers' voices somewhere far away before my eyes close.

_Rain drips down on my cold body. My chest hurts immensely as I've probably broken a few ribs and I can feel the stinging pain of the shuriken in my leg. I lost one of my nunchaku already but the other one is still in my hands. Razhar stands in front of me and growls darkly. Whenever I fought him, I would joke, but I don't have the energy now. I know I'm not going to make it. It would be a miracle if any of us is going to make it. But maybe I can take down one more enemy before I go. To make it a bit easier for my brothers. _

_Razhar advances and I ready myself for one attack more. I take out my kusarigama and focus. One last jump and that's all I need. I remember how sensei had me do it over and over again till I got it right. I'm thankful he did. When Razhar's claws come within an inch, I press myself upwards. I flip over the mutant and throw the knives-end of my kusarigama towards his neck. The twirling of the weapon has to cause the chain to wrap around his neck, enabling me to either choke him, or pull hard enough to cut his throat with the knife. But it doesn't. Razhar knows what I'm doing and the chain wraps around his wrist instead. _

_All the hope I held inside, all the energy I had left, it all drains out of me. I sink to my knees and look into the dead eyes of my greatest enemy. The one who hurt me in the worst way. By betraying me and leaving me for trash. But just before his claws come down on me, before his teeth tear me apart, I pull my chain. Blood runs down Razhar's arm and I know the wound can be fatal. That single thought keeps me from screaming out when the pain overwhelms my senses. All I can see is pain, although I know that's impossible. I try to picture my family one last time, so I can see them. I knew I would die once in my life and I always thought that would be with loved ones surrounding me. Now they aren't there and I can't even picture their faces. I die alone. Truly alone. At least I die loved. At least I die loving. _

_When my vision clears for a single moment, I notice I'm lying on the roof. I'm bleeding everywhere but the pain is gone. I look up and see a dark blue sky, a single star smiling down on me. The white of the little speck grows larger and larger, until I'm completely consumed. _

**So I decided to divide the story into multiple chapters so it would be a little easier on me. At least I gave you Mikey's death and I'm pretty damn proud of it too. It made me cry at least and it didn't take me that much time. Next up will be what happened to Splinter, Casey and April. I hope those chapters will turn out as well as this one will be. Please do not forget to review because they make me happy and get me through the long days at school ;). Also, a happy writer might be kinder to your favourite characters. **


	6. Chapter 6

**I've been struggling on this chapter but I think I got it now. No better place to write than at school I guess. I decided to change perspective now because of the emotions and stuff. Just tell me if you like it or not because I also have the chapter with Mikey's point of view so I can post that one too if you don't like it. **

Leo's p.o.v

It's been a long time since I've sat with my youngest brother like this. Not because he had been gone for over three years, but because I stopped when I decided we were too old. But after everything I've lost to time, I know you are never too old to show affection.

I gingerly pat Mikey's head which is currently lying in my lap. I think he has nightmares because he whimpers every now and then and his eyes are tightly closed. My hand seems to calm him down a little bit though.

It scared me when he suddenly fainted. It seemed like he had another panic attack but not quite the same as the last one. He started breathing heavily and his pupils were dilated. Raph had been just in time to catch him before he made a nosedive into the floor. He's been asleep ever since and except for his pulse, which is a little rapid, he seems fine. I can't help but feel this is my fault though. Donnie had told us that bringing back the memories before Mikey could do it himself, would trigger something like this. And the trigger was obviously the fight with Razhar on the rooftop I mentioned. That set him off. Of course it did, he died there. It was the place we lost our baby brother and we hadn't even been there with him when he went.

His wounds were awful. I know he had died suffering so much pain. And he had to handle it on his own. He had managed to take out Razhar and I don't think we would have made it out if he hadn't done that. My youngest brother, the one who I always swore to protect against any pain or any monster, had saved his older brothers and paid the ultimate price for that bravery.

When the tears of failure and hurt fill my eyes again, I squeeze my younger brother's shoulder briefly. He's here. Some way, as impossible as it may seem, he made it back to us. And although he's suffering now yet again, we are here with him this time. He isn't going to be alone. And in some weird way, with him back we aren't going to be alone either. Maybe everything is going to be alright after all. I've the chance to do it all over again. To not fail my brothers and to not let us drift apart. I'm a leader once more.

"Hmm… Leo?" I rub Mikey's head to let him now it is me. I don't say anything though. I want to relish this moment for a little while longer. Mikey seems to be on the same page because he doesn't move or talk for another few minutes. However, after that he sits up and looks up at me with tired eyes.

"I should stop passing out all the time," he mutters groggily while massaging his temples. "It doesn't help the headaches."

I smile at him softly and hand him the pills and water Donnie had left behind. He and Raph went to bed as Mikey slept a good thirteen hours straight.

After taking the pills Mikey looks up at me expectantly and I immediately know what he's aiming for. Mike's face speaks of more words than can come from his mouth. And that actually says something.

I shake my head. "No way. You need to rest and we don't want you to black out again."

His face drops and his lip starts to tremble. I smirk back. Does he think he can pull of that kicked puppy-look on me? Maybe that worked on Splinter but not on us.

"Why won't you tell me?" he asks, slightly pouting. "I deserve to know. They're my family too."

The last sentence is spoken so softly, he could almost be whispering. And actually he does have a point. We'll have to tell him sooner or later and maybe it will be better if he hears this part from me. I've been there after all. The thing is, only thinking about his reaction is already scaring me. He is going to be inconsolable. Just like we were for such a long time.

"Alright Mikey," I finally say. "I'll tell you what happened to Master Splinter. But it isn't a pretty story."

His face pales but he nods nevertheless. He scoots over a little closer though; trying to take in the comfort I just can't give him. There is no comfort warm enough to chase away this cold.

"It was the same night you… passed on, that Shredder took Master Splinter captive. If father and you hadn't sacrificed yourselves, none of us would have made it out," I begin shakily. "It took us a full week to find out where Shredder was hiding him and to plan his escape. It was a week too long. Don't ask me how, but I managed to find father's cell and break it open. He was very… injured."

I inwardly scold myself for the understatement of the year. Sensei was a whole lot more than 'very injured'. He was hardly recognisable as a body.

"Leo?"

My head shoots up and I glare daggers at the sound tearing me away from my own thoughts. My eyes soften when I see my baby brother's looking up at me fearfully. His eyes are filled with water. I beat myself up for upsetting my brother any more than he already would be when hearing this and squeeze his hand slightly. I try to keep myself from shaking but I still feel slight tremors moving up and down my arm. Mike feels them too and gives me a reassuring pat. Again I fail at being a big brother. I can't even keep my emotions in check.

I sigh and look away from Mikey. "He didn't make it back home. He died while I carried him to the Shellraiser (A/N is that the name?). The wounds were too much for him. Donnie tried to resuscitate him but it didn't work. Master Splinter, our father, was gone."

My tears lose their fight with gravity. My emotions win their fight with my stubbornness. Everything just comes out all at once and I didn't even know I held in so much pain up until now. I pull my baby brother in and hold him close to my chest. I hear how his sobs overpower mine and feel him shaking in my arms.

And all of the sudden, I don't feel so guilty anymore for losing my self-composure. Because here, while holding my youngest brother who just returned from an unbelievable journey, I can finally grief over my father. Ever since two members of my already small family died, I tried to be strong for my remaining brothers. I locked myself down when I should actually have mourned with them. I shut myself out of the family and let us fall apart. I thought I was being tough but actually I was a coward who couldn't face the pain of continuing life without my entire family.

But here we are. We are four once again. And I guess it's never too late to try another time. Not when you are given the opportunity.

**So, what did you think. Please review on this one because I'm desperate to know what you guys thought of me changing the perspective. Is it a good idea or not? I just didn't know but I thought Leo's perspective would be better here because of his relationship with Master Splinter. I've always respected that father-son bond of theirs. I hope I did well on that. But yeah, if you liked this change of perspective- thing, please tell because then I'll do the same with the next two chapters in which we're going to discover what happened to April and Casey ;).**


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay so here's the next chapter. Apparently none of you disliked the idea of having multiple points of view so I'll continue that. Most chapters will be from Mikey's however. I'll only use the others' when it comes in handy ;). Have fun with this one! Spoiler alert: it ends in a cliffy :p**

Mikey's p.o.v

When I wake up I feel a hard shell under my head. I open my eyes tiredly and immediately recognize my oldest brother lying underneath me. He's slumped on the couch and I'm laying half on top of him. His arm is loosely draped over me so I carefully take it off of me and place it next to him on the couch. After that I stand up and stretch, feeling some joints pop which cause me to wince slightly. That wasn't the most comfortable sleeping position.

I walk around the couch and notice Leo's mask lying on the floor. I pick it up and stare at the still damp cloth in my hands. I still don't have my own back. Strangely enough that kind of bothers me but I'm not sure why. I discard the blue mask on the table and walk over to the kitchen. The clock tells me it's only six am. Not that much of a shocker as I slept for more than thirteen hours straight but I had hoped I could sleep until a little later.

I stand in the kitchen, wondering what to do. I don't want to go to my own room because of the shrine and everything. It isn't really _my_ room anymore. It's clean and organized and has become some sort of memorial. No place I want to be, especially not when it's still dark. The living-room isn't an option either because of Leo camping there so actually the only place I can stay is the kitchen or the dojo. And after everything that is discussed this night, I don't think I can handle the dojo now.

Another few tears slip down my face when I think of Master Splinter and I don't bother whipping them away. I thought my tears would be running low at this point, but apparently there are still enough to be shed. I quickly shake my head, trying to stop wallowing in self-pity. My brothers had it way worse than I have now. They lost two family-members. They hadn't been gone for more than three years.

There you go again Mikey, I scold myself. Stop acting all miserable and actually do something to cheer everyone up. You've always been good at that.

Suddenly a huge grin settles itself on my face. Time for a true, delicious, home-made Sunday breakfast, turtle-style! I open the cupboards to see what's in there. I quickly grab April's favourite recipe and try to find out if everything's here. True to our turtle luck, of course I only miss one ingredient but I think I can manage it if I just make some slight changes. This is going to be an awesome surprise for the guys! I want to cheer but quickly clamp my beak shut. Can't ruin it now.

TMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNT

At around eight everyone finally comes pouring into the kitchen. Donnie's first, being dragged by Raph because he can't stay steady before having at least two cups of coffee. His morning appearances are never getting old.

"What smells so good?" Raph asks, sniffing greedily. Donnie sniffs a couple of times too and frowns. " 'S not my coffee," he mumbles. "Where's that? Leo always makes my coffee."

I laugh at my brother's disappointed face and quickly turn on the coffee machine. "Coming right up D," I tell him. He looks up at me confused so I just smile and place him on a chair. His brain needs some fuel before it can communicate properly.

"Wow, Mike. What are you making?" Another voice comes from the kitchen door. I turn around while expertly cracking some eggs in the pan. "Good morning, Leo. Making some eggs and sausages for Raph, pancakes with maple syrup for me and Donnie and I got you some crepes; April's favourite recipe."

If I hadn't been in such a good mood, I probably would have noticed their bitter looks when I mention April. I don't however and pour pancake batter in yet another frying pan. When both the eggs and pancakes are baking, I start cutting small slices of blueberry and strawberry for Leo's crepes.

"That sounds awesome, little bro. I love crepes," Leo says, stealing a strawberry. The guy always had a sweet-tooth. That's probably why he's into the crepes so much. They're more sweet and less batter. When he wants to grab another one I slap on his hand. He sends me a mocking glare and goes to sit at the table next to Don, who is already sipping his coffee.

"Yeah, I thought you guys must have missed having a chef around," I say, smiling wildly. I feel so good at this moment. Everything feels like home again. Maybe the guys have changed some, but definitely not all the way.

"Sure did. Leo's food tastes like cardboard. And that was on a good day," Raph smirked. Leo stuck his tongue out, but the lack of reply tells me it's true. We all laugh at that.

I serve breakfast and we all start eating. My older brothers keep praising the food, well mostly Don and Leo but Raph said something nice too for a change. It's been a long time since they complimented me this excessively. I don't mind though and just glower in their appreciation.

The rest of the day is a total blast. Now all the harsh truths have been said, I think we're getting along again. We can finally hang around again and it's a great opportunity for me to get to know them a little better. After all, in three years a person can change a lot. The guys only never leave me out of sight which is actually a little creepy. I mean, since when do I have to tell anyone when I need to go to the bathroom? No need to announce that, right?

Now we're all settled on the couch, watching one of Raph's favourite movies. I'm not sure what the title is again but there's a lot of blood and violence which he's really into. Truth be told, I'm kinda too.

When it's done Leo stands up. I look at the clock and notice it's past eleven already. Time for patrol. I stand up too and want to go to my room to retrieve my nunchucks, for a moment forgetting they're actually still placed on the shrine. Leo stops me however.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asks me sternly. I give him a confused look. "To get my stuff?"

Leo shakes his head and turns around looking at Donnie and Raph. Both shake their heads as well and I know what this means. Keeping me from patrol, kill-joys.

"Why can't I go? I always went with you guys before," I pout.

"We aren't risking it, Mikey," Donnie says. "Just stay here and we will be back before you know it." They all look at me with serious, no-nonsense looks which only seem more intimidating now they're older.

"Fine," I huff and watch them all leave. So now they want to coop me up in the lair forever? No way they'll get away with that!

I stomp of towards the dojo. If I can get my stuff ready fast I can catch up with them. But I don't even know where to look for my belt and pads except for the dojo and I totally don't want to go in there. It's too painful. In the end I decide to grab the nunchucks out of my room and just hold them in my hands.

I run after the guys and manage to catch up to them. They're just climbing through the manhole and I decide to have a little fun. Raph's the last to go up so I sneak up on him and grab him by the ankle. I pull him down and jump over him, grabbing the ladder and pushing myself up, making an impressive salto right over Leo's head who's standing at the edge of the manhole.

"See ya later, slowpokes!" I shout and make a run for it. I don't go too fast so my bros can catch up to me, but when they come within my reach, I go faster. I laugh so loudly I don't hear anything of what they're shouting at me.

I jump onto another building and notice I'm heading straight for April's aunt's apartment. I smile wickedly. I think the guys already told her I'm back but she didn't see me yet! Time to show her just how much I missed my sissy.

When I come closer to the building a weird feeling makes his way into my stomach. I can't quite place it but something seems off. Only when I stand on the building opposite of April's home, I see it. The place is boarded up. Completely shut down. There's graffiti everywhere but I can still see the scorch marks around the windows and the front door. The fire-escape me and my brothers always used, is bend at some places because of the searing heat that must have once torn through the window of April's room.

**I'm in a good mood do you guys notice? Hehe that's why I leave it of here because now the story will get all depressing again and I don't like to write depressing thoughts when I'm happy :p Hope you guys all like the chapter though and please review and comment because those make me a better writer and blah blah blah. Just send me a review cuss they make me feel good and I'm addicted! Maybe something less evil will happen to April if you do….**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for the wonderful reviews guys! A special welcome to 6Suzy7 on the fandom and a thank you so much for MissCookiiie for helping me out with this chapter. Hope you guys like it.**

Donnie's p.o.v

I should have known this was coming. Mikey has always been the most impulsive turtle and he isn't known for being a good listener either. I guess we aren't really used to his rumbustious behaviour anymore. Especially since everything went awry three years ago. From then on Raph and I stopped second-guessing any of Leo's orders just for the sake of us staying together.

"Mikey, stop!" Leo screams and my head lifts up. Our youngest brother has always been the fastest among us and is now actually taunting us; not going full speed but keeping out of our range. His laughing is so loud, he probably doesn't hear a word of what Leo's shouting at him. Not that it matters. As I said before, Mike never listens.

But just when we jump to another rooftop, I understand what is making Leo anxious. A ton of bricks press against my stomach and I feel my heart pouncing against my chest. I haven't been this close ever since it happened. I couldn't get myself to come here after that. The place my younger brother is now standing still.

The place hasn't changed that much. There are some new billboards I don't recognize and of course the building itself looks more run-down by the day. Other than that it's exactly like I remembered it to be. This makes me slightly more at ease. At least until I reach my orange-clad brother. I notice Leo and Raph looking at me with concern. I understand why but I feel like I can handle it. If Leo was the best person to talk to Mikey about Sensei, than I think I can talk to him best about what happened to April. I give my older brothers a slight nod and a smile to reassure them a little. They get the hint and disappear into the shadows.

I turn towards Mikey but he doesn't even acknowledge my presence in the slightest. He's staring dumbfounded at the sight in front of him, deaf and blind to anything else. I place a hand on his shoulder and he jumps. Frightful blue eyes look up at me pleadingly and I feel the sudden urge to hug him close to my chest, making everything okay again by just saying it will be. But I know I can't do that. I know for a very long time that wishes can't be granted by just asking. It just never happened when I did before. Not even now. Sure, my only little brother came back from death, like I begged he would, but that wasn't the only thing I longed for. I wished for my little brother to be okay. And he is far from that right now. For him to be gone for so immensely long, it's only hurting him.

"Please Donnie, Please," he whimpers. "Tell me she isn't… Not like Dad." It has been so long since I've heard him call our father 'dad'. It almost brings tears in my eyes.

"Please," he keeps saying, burying his head into my plastron, fresh tears flooding down my chest. "I can't take it if someone else is gone too."

I hold him close and let him calm down. I whisper words of comfort but he doesn't seem to belief me yet now he is so panicked. "April isn't dead, Mikey. She's okay. She's still here with us. We didn't lose her like that, otouto."

I think the last sentence actually hits home because Mikey finally pulls his head out of my arms, looking up at me quizzically. "What do you mean with 'like that'?"

I inwardly curse. When did my brother ever get perceptive? He never listened to me before. But things have never been this seriously either. When being in a life-or-dead situation, he's always been more thoughtful and sober so maybe I shouldn't be that surprised. Whatever you might say about him, he isn't as stupid as he makes everyone believe.

I sigh and grip him by one of his shoulders. I guide him towards the edge of the building, our backs turned towards the burned-down remains of our best friend's home. We both sit down next to each other and watch the city for a while.

"I meant we didn't lose April to death, Mikey," I finally say. "It was much worse."

The words being said that particular day rush down my head but I manage to shake them off as quickly as they came. The pain in my chest doesn't leave as easily though. I feel a shoulder gently brushing mine, a sign for me to continue the story as well as asking me if I'm okay. Mikey and I understand each other well. We don't need words to communicate what we mean. This makes doing or saying rather difficult things much easier for both of us.

"After the fight, after we managed to get father back home and give the both of you the burial you deserve, something bad happened again." I feel Mikey shivering when I mention Master Splinter again. I understand it. He just started the grieving process and the name of our sensei and father will be difficult for him to bear for a long time. It worries me, however, how easy he finds it to speak about him having been dead and coming back from it.

"They attacked April's home. It was supposed to be revenge for us killing so many of the foot, but I don't think it was. Shredder just wanted to see us suffer even more." Mikey wraps and arm around my shoulder but fails when he notices he's too short. I drape mine around him instead and he leans a little against me.

"They set the building on fire. Five people died in there, including April's aunt. April had inhaled a lot of smoke and was burned severely. She was in a bad shape, still is. She is… she is in a coma, Mikey."

I expect tears but they won't come. Maybe I've cried so much over April being hurt I can't cry anymore. Or maybe it isn't the fact that April is hurt that feels so painful to me.

"Her father wasn't there when it happened. He came to look for us a couple of days later though. He said that…" I don't think I can say everything being said that day. Mikey is going through enough as it already is. And it took my brothers and I awfully long to get over it too.

"He told us we shouldn't see April anymore. It was our fault after all. I came to visit through the hospital-window from time to time though but when he found out about that, he requested April to be moved to a hospital in Florida."

"Why Florida?" Mikey asks me, looking up. His eyes are much brighter than they should be and I pretend not to notice the dried tears on his cheeks.

"No idea, maybe they like the weather more," I say, which actually makes him chuckle a little.

We sit in silence for some time before Mikey speaks up. "I'm sorry that had to happen, bro," he says. "I know you liked her very much."

I squeeze Mikey a little firmer and not. "Yes, I miss her every day. But now you are back, maybe some things are coming back the way they should be."

I feel the small, fifteen year-old turtle beneath me nod. "Totally dude. It was her father who abandoned you guys. Not April. She loves us, you, too much to stay away. She will come back once she wakes up."

I smile. I never thought about it that way before. It really was her father who took her away. He was the one who shouted at us. Not April. April is too good of a friend to leave us like that. Especially after everything we had lost. Now I think of it, before the incident she had been with us every single day. She really might come back. I also notice how Mikey said 'once' and not 'if'. I appreciate that about him. Always looking at the bright-side. That's something we've missed these years.

Maybe everything is coming back to us after all. At least my otouto is the start of that.

**So now I only have to fill you guys in on Casey's story and then I'm done! I wanted to get to the action earlier but Mikey needs to know the background before I can do that. So bear with me and love this chapter. After this the story is really going to start. I'm just not sure how yet 0.o **

**Did I do a good job on Donnie too? I know it is a lot of thoughts for him but I kinda think that he's mostly like that. A thinker, that is. **


	9. Chapter 9

**I was stuck for a little while but I think I know now how I want this to turn out. Enjoy!**

Mikey's p.o.v

We're sitting here for quite some time now. Donnie hasn't let go if me yet and I'm not one to let a hug go to waste when it is offered. We just enjoy each other's company. I wonder how long it has been since I've sat with my immediate older brother like this and come to realize that for Don it has been over three years. I think that hurts him and that it is the reason he doesn't want to let me go.

I'm not sure how long we stayed here but at some point Donnie stands up. He pulls me up by my arm and we walk home silently. Only now I notice how stiff my muscles are and that I have goosebumps all over. It isn't that cold outside but the wind does make it a little chilly. That's why me and Don decide to go underground and walk back home through the sewers.

When we lower ourselves through the manhole, I can already feel a change in temperature. Sure the sewers are damp and they smell, but when it gets windy outside they can maintain more heat than the streets can. We walk alongside each other for some time when I notice something. Even though I had been extremely delirious at that moment, I know this place well. I even did before and now it has a meaning too. I don't think it will disappear from my memory ever again.

"Donnie I-" I start and I can hear him gasp.

"I-I'm sorry Mikey I think I forgot," he whispers apologetically while squeezing my shoulder for a little bit. I think he really did. Sure he's the genius of the family and stuff, but it's kinda difficult to remember you lost someone who is standing right beside you.

I merely shake my head and take a few steps closer. The collapsed tunnel hides what is inside well enough. I can still see the place where I've laid when I woke up. It's a little darker there. Just a few meters behind where my head had laid, there is a small gravestone. It's smooth, polished, with words engraved in there. They aren't as neat as a real gravestone's would be but I think Leo has done his best. He has a beautiful handwriting.

"You stole the stone for me?" I ask the turtle behind me. Donnie nods.

"We couldn't find anything that would last as long and looks as nice as it does now. Leo carved the words in though. He tried really hard on it but it didn't turn out the way he thought it had to. He had been upset about that for days."

I chuckle a little when I think of a grumpy Leo. If only he would understand that not everything can be as perfect as the stars and the moon, he wouldn't be as stressed as he often is; or at least was. I sometimes feel like I don't know my brothers at all anymore. Raph hasn't ignored Leo once, for cripes' sake. And they haven't fought but that is only an improvement. Donnie is different too but I'm not sure how. He always talked our ears of about some new interesting thing he had found out about but nowadays he doesn't seem to like 'learning' anymore. If that makes sense. Sure he's still in his lab but he doesn't tell us what he is doing there. He does what he does, not bothering to share it with us like he used to.

"I love it Donnie. It's very pretty. I couldn't have asked for anything better."

I know my older brother needs to hear that. He needs to know how much I appreciate what they did for me. Even though I'm buried in a sewer tunnel, it doesn't matter. It's been my home for forever anyways so it is the best place to go to sleep forever too. Although that last part I kinda failed in.

I turn around as see Donnie smile so much, his gap shows between his lips. A few tears stream down his face when he comes closer and hugs me again. So much hugging lately. Not that I mind.

When we release ourselves from the hug, Don tugs my arm gently.

"Let's go home. It's getting colder and I don't want Leo and Raph to worry about us."

I nod, taking one last glance at the gravestone in front of me before I follow my older brother.

_Michelangelo Hamato, a true ninja with a true heart. A wonderful brother and a wonderful son._

My eyes start burning at the words. They're the kindest I've ever read. Sure my brothers told me this, albeit not often, because we're guys and stuff. But to read them on your own gravestone; you just know that what they've said means something to them and that what they say is true. It's something to remember for sure.

I shake my head and rub my eyes a little before running after Donnie. He walks on steadily until he's well out of range of the grave. I guess it hurt him to see it after all. It can't be easy on him. Still I know that he, or at least one of my other older brothers, must have been there regularly because the flowers that lie there now, aren't that withered. It's nice to know that even after three years, your family loves you so much they still tend to your grave. It feels good.

When I catch up with Donnie, I don't really know what to say. I can't handle the silence though so I say the first thing that pops into my head. Too bad I'm a little inconsiderate when I ask him.

"Hey Donnie, do you think I'm still under there? Like, there is still a body in that grave. Or am I the body and just, I don't know, crawled out? Like a zombie or something."

Yep it was definitely the wrong thing to say. Don's eyes turn dark and his gaze leaves mine. He stares at the ground and his mouth is set in a firm line.

"I've thought about that," he tells me. "I'm sorry."

Sorry? What is there to be sorry for?

"Since when do you have to apologize for thinking, bro?" I ask him, trying to cheer him up a little. "Because then I've a lot of apologies to catch up on."

There is a short laugh from Donnie and a slight shake of his head. I swear he muttered something like 'keep dreaming' and I know my job is done here. Don doesn't think so however.

"I was not apologizing for thinking though. I was apologizing for _what_ I thought."

He's quiet for a moment and I almost want to ask him what was exactly going on in that head of his. I can't imagine it is that bad. He's Donnie after all. My geeky, know-it-all brother who masters Mario Kart but sometimes lets me win because of my ego. At least, that is what Raph told me once.

"I was thinking about digging you up. I wanted to commit desecration." my older brother suddenly whispers. It's so quiet I hardly noticed he was talking at all. I catch 'digging you up' though and that is all I need to know. He worries about that? I wouldn't mind. Sure violating a grave and all, it's a bad thing to do but that grave isn't really my last resting place anymore, so why not? I'm kinda curious too.

"We should, Donnie," I tell him. His surprised look causes me to burst out into laughter.

"No really!" I say, chuckling. "I want to see if there is anything there. I mean, it was me who asked you right? No reason to call it dese.. something like that if the person buried there asks you."

Don sighs quietly but I can see the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "If you want to, I'm not the one to stop you. So you want to help me with this?"

His gaze meets mine again and I give him a broad smile. "Sure. Now let's get inside where it is warm before my tail freezes off," I say, quickening my pace. I turn around slightly and see a slight glimpse of my older brother back. The older brother he was when he was fifteen. The older brother who was interested in everything he could discover. The older brother who still had a little brother to take care of. The older brother who is one of my best friends.

**Sorry I got poetic on the last few lines. Oh well, I think this chapter is okayish. Let me know what you thought so I can even do better on the next chapter. Don't know if I wanna let you guys know what happened to Casey first, or to tell you if there is a body or not. Oh well, will see. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Yay you guys liked my Donnie/Mikey fluff ^^ Thanks for everyone who reviewed and here you go with the new chapter. **

Raph's p.o.v

"No way! No friggin' way!"

I fume at my two younger brothers who stand a little uncomfortable on the other side of the room. Donnie has taken a few steps back and Mikey is cowering behind him. Well, good. Are they totally out of their minds?! Especially Donnie. How can he ask us to dig our little brother up! I don't care that Mikey is standing right in front of me as we speak. It's still his grave and you don't dishonour someone's grave. You just can't do this. Not to family.

"I don't know where you guys got this insane idea from but you better just keep your mouth shut and walk away right now! No one's touching that grave; not on my watch!"

With that I stalk off and slam the door of my room closed. I hope Leo can get some sense into those two morons because if they get anywhere close to that collapsed sewer, I'm gonna get violent. I lay down on my bed and look up at the ceiling. I'm not really in the mood of hitting anything so I just lay there. It's strange because usually when one of my brothers ticks me off I just want to kick their ass. It just feels different now.

"Raphie?"

I don't answer. I don't wanna see any of my brothers right now. He keeps knocking though. Luckily he never actually went into my room without any permission. He does that with Leo and Don but never did he go into mine without asking first.

The door slowly creaks open. _Okay, up until now._

I don't stand up from my bed and wait for my brother to come over. He doesn't get too close and sits down on his knees in the middle of my cluttered room. He's very quiet which makes me feel weird.

"Why, Raphie?"

"Stop calling me like that," is the automatic response. I pull my head up and look into the bright baby blues of my youngest brother. My much younger youngest brother. He doesn't look like his happy self but that is kinda understandable. He just learned about sensei and April. Does he even want to know what happened to Casey after hearing that? I should probably safe him from that.

I lay my head back down and stay silent. But so does Mikey. He just stays there, kneeled on my dirty floor. Suddenly I snap my head back up. Kneeling? Mikey never kneeled before me. Before sensei we did it millions of times and only a couple of times did my two younger brothers kneel in front of Fearless. But never with me. It's a sign of respect. Respect for elder, wiser people than yourself. Your teachers or protectors.

Mikey's head bows slightly when I look at him. I follow his gaze towards the empty space in front of him and sit down. The hell? Since when did Mike actually start to care about Japanese customaries. I thought he found them as boring and stupid as I do. Only Lame-o-nardo cares about those traditions.

However, I still sit in front of him, kneeling as well. I'm actually a little curious what's up with him. Often he just jumps around like a hyper-active bunny on steroids or something but now he manages to sit still for more than fifteen seconds! I quickly find out that I've spoken too soon though. Mike starts fidgeting nervously and I sigh. What is this all about anyways?

"What's the thing doofus?" I ask him.

He shrugs his arms innocently and looks up at me. "It's you who just screamed at us Raph," he says with a slight smile. I ignore him and shift my gaze towards one of my magazine-collections.

"I just don't understand what the problem is," Mikey continues. "I don't care so why do you?"

I turn back towards him and suddenly get why he just came in here and kneeled. He wanted to show his respect of me being angry about this. He wants me to give my opinion. To explain this to him. Does he understand how mad this makes me? I don't need the kid's permission to speak up about this. I think I gave my opinion loud and clear thank you very much. I'm done with this.

But isn't this the reason why Splinter always called me stubborn? Or why Don never really asks me to help him out with anything? Or why Fearless Leonardo never wants my opinion as second-in-command?

And just there and then, I decide to show some respect back. Maybe they will actually listen to me for once if they get it. Maybe they _will_ understand what I'm trying to say and not open the grave after all.

"Because this ain't about you," I answer him. I can see the confusion in his eyes and it takes all my will power to open up. It's not something I'm used to.

"I just don't wanna see what there's in there. 'Cause if it's a body, than you ain't my baby bro. And if there isn't, the one sittin' here in front of me has died three friggin' years ago."

I lock eyes with Mikey and see nothing of understanding. Just a blank look. He doesn't get what I'm sayin' at all. No one gets what I'm sayin' like ever!

"I don't understand, Raph," Mikey quietly says. "Are you afraid I'm not your brother?"

I stand up and walk away. I throw my bedroom door open and run towards the dojo. They don't get it, they don't get it, THEY DON'T GET IT! I tell myself that over and over again and start throwing punches at everything I can find.

After only God knows how long, I'm sitting there with ripped open knuckles on the floor.

"They just don't get it."

**So this is the chapter in which there is a lot of Raph/Mikey fluff and in which we find out about what happened to Casey! Or that is what it was supposed to be. Instead I got this. Hmm maybe it was a bad idea to start writing a chapter after fighting with my little brother… At least I hope everyone liked it and next time I'll try to get something a little bit sweeter **


	11. Chapter 11

**First of all hugs and cuddles and homebaked cupcakes for everyone so kind to read, favourite and follow this story, and a nice cherry on top for MissCookiiie, Athese and .7 who keep coming with the reviews ;). You guys totally rock!**

**So now I'm not fighting with my brother anymore, let's see if Mike and Raph can fix things between them a bit. **

Mikey's p.o.v

What just happened? I thought Raph _wouldn't_ lash out if I would show him some respect and kneel. He's been tearing the dojo apart for hours and now none of us can coax him out of the place. It's been quiet for some time so I think it's safe to go in. Leo didn't really want me to but I know Raph needs someone to talk to. At least, I _hope_ he needs someone to talk to because if he doesn't, I'm dead meat.

This time I just shove open the door and watch my older brother sitting on the ground in defeat. For just a few seconds I let my eyes wander through the dojo. Nothing seems to have changed at all in here. The tree is still there, the weapon racks look the same, the mats didn't change. The only thing is that we're now one dummy short. And that Raph is bleeding on one of the mats, not seeming to care about it at all.

I take a few steps closer and place a hand on his shoulder. He shrugs it off roughly but it doesn't bother me. I go sit in front of him, not kneeling because I'm not sure if it will anger him more.

"You know Raph," I say, reminding myself that calling him 'Raphie' right now would get myself into a really big disaster. "You've not changed a bit in three years. Your still hard-headed even though you listen to Leo more often now. You still beat up everything you can get your hands on though, but I guess that's alright. Maybe you should tr-"

"Mikey," Raph speaks up slowly. "Shut Up." He doesn't shout it or anything. He states it very quietly. It actually worries me more than Raph shouting.

"Why? I was just telling you to-"

"I mean it kid," he says, a little louder this time. "Ya don't know what happened. You don't know anythin'!" The volume of his voice rises with every word he says. "You don't know what we've been through and you don't know what they did. You don't know me or Don or Leo 'cause you've been friggin' DEAD! You've been dead and gone and in yer own happy place and now you just can't just waltz into your life anymore 'cause there is no place for you here! You cost us too much and now we finally learned to live without ya, you just can't come back and act like everythin' is bloody OKAY!"

Every sentence, every word, he says is like a punch to my stomach. I thought they were glad I was back. Did I hurt them with returning, because I didn't mean to. Not that I really had a choice in coming back to life but still… I didn't mean to hurt them in any way. I didn't mean to ruin their lives just after them losing so many people dear to them. What have I done? I didn't mean to.

I can't help myself and a few tears slip down my cheeks. I've been crying way to much these last few days. Over April and Sensei and just everything that happened. But the guys, they've been crying too. Because I've hurt them with coming back. They finally had their lives on track and I ruined everything.

Two strong arms encircle me though. A soft touch brings my body closer and a heavy head leans on top of mine. There are no words of comfort because Raph has never been very good at these. But just being there, cradled in my second-oldest brother's arms, it feels like I came home. I've been close with Leo and Donnie, but not with Raph yet. Now or small brotherhood is complete again. If you don't mind the cracks that still run through our bonds. We can mend them in time.

"I'm sorry, little brother," Raph breathes into my ear. "I didn't mean what I said. I was angry. Nothin' is yer fault. It's just me."

I nod against his plastron but otherwise do not move an inch. I want to treasure this moment for as long as it might last. And I'm not sure if I can stop crying if he lets go of me. The words he said, those weren't light. He didn't just say them because he was angry; there must be some sort of truth behind them.

"What were you angry about then? You didn't just say those things," I mumble. It feels strange to be comforted by the one who hurt you in the first place. On the other hand it is exactly the way our relationship has always been. We hurt each other, but after that we heal each other. Maybe Sensei was right and we just don't know our limits that well.

"I was angry 'cause… 'Cause a lot of things happened over the years which you don't know 'bout. But that ain't your fault. It's ours 'cause we didn't tell ya."

"Then tell me," I say. Why do they try to keep me in the dark? They've practically fallen apart these last three years, Sensei is dead and April is in a coma because of us. What news can make this any worse?

"It ain't a pretty story, Mikey. It's 'bout Casey."

I take a deep breath but don't reply. Oh yeah. That can make this worse. We didn't know Casey for that long but especially for Raph, he had been an amazing friend. They were getting along great although I didn't always like that as much. Still I don't want anything to happen with my older brother's best friend. The guy just doesn't deserve such thing.

"He got himself in juvie," Raph suddenly says. I break out of the hug and stare into Raph's eyes. Juvie? Casey got himself arrested? When Raph, and the rest of the guys needed him he got himself arrested?! I think Raph notices my angry look because he slowly shakes his head, pulling me closer again. For a second I can't think of anything else but the euphoria of having my older brother hugging me twice this day. I'm not one to shy away from showing some brotherly affection but for Raph this really is a big deal.

"It wasn't his fault. After what the Shredder did ta April, he and Donnie both went nuts. But he got it worse as he went on some crazy mission to interrogate every single footninja till he got the one responsible. Sometimes he left people very badly hurt. Cops went after him and because he wasn't careful or nuthin', he got caught. Never seen him after that. Read about it in the papers, that's how we found out."

Raph's voice is steady but I know the loss of his best buddy hurts him. They understood each other and therefore needed each other. They kept themselves in check that way. Casey was also the guy Raph went to when he needed to release some frustrations. I wonder how he does that now although I have a slight idea with the ripped apart dummy and all. It isn't healthy though.

"C'mon Mike," Raph says while pulling away. I almost want to whine but stop myself. This is probably the best I can get in like, ever, anyway. "Let's get some air."

We both walk back into the living room and find Leo on the couch watching tv.

"Hey Leo," I say casually although I can see the surprise in his eyes. I guess it does look weird as only an hour ago Raph was destroying everything within his reach. "Where's Don gone to?"

Again, I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to ruin the mood of my second-oldest brother. I didn't mean to ask it if I knew. But I did and I guess I can't mend things by just saying I didn't mean to.

"He's ah…" And that was already enough to make Raph rant again.

"He's doin' it right now, ain't he?" He growls. "Of course. Why evah listen ta me, right?! Why evah-"

Leo stands up now, a scowl on his face. I take a few steps back from my raging brothers. I haven't seen them fighting like this in such a long time. And to tell you the truth, I'm scared. Often Sensei and Donnie where there with me so I could hide with Don and then afterwards calm Raph down while Sensei did Leo. But now I'm alone.

"Stop it Raph!" Leo shouts. This is about healing. Don can find closer if he can just see it for himself. Why won't you let him!"

"And what about me then, Fearless? What about me! I don't wanna see no body! I just wanna pretend this is my brother and get on with it!" He roughly points towards me and I think I get it. Raph thinks there is still a body buried there. And if there is, therefore he thinks I'm not the little brother he had over three years ago. And that would hurt him. As long as he doesn't know what's in that grave he can pretend I'm his brother; tell himself that.

But that doesn't work for me. I don't want to have my brothers pretending around me. I'm me. I know I am because I can remember everything we did together. I'm just me.

My train of thoughts is interrupted by a loud bang. Raph and Leo stop screaming at each other and I can hear footsteps coming closer. Eventually Donnie comes in, his face so pale you can hardly see it was originally green.

**CLIFFHANGER! How I hate those things so this is revenge for everyone putting up a cliffhanger. Next chapter I'll tell if there is a body or not, promise. Till then, rant, review, favourite, tell you friends about it, as long as you do something positive with this chapter. See ya**


	12. Chapter 12

**This wasn't a long wait, right? I thought it would be nice to update as someone (cough Pimono cough, cough) decided to pull an ultimatum on me, another reviewer was suffering from heart failure (fake so no worries) and a lot of you called me mean *pouts*. So here is the brand new chapter, apparently a lot of you have been waiting for! I can tell you one thing, you ain't going to expect this at all :p**

Mikey's p.o.v

As soon as I see the shocked face of my immediate older brother, I want to run out of the room with my hands over my ears. At first I didn't really care if there was or wasn't a body down there as I was just curious. But now, after knowing what Raph's reaction might be, I just want to get away. I don't want any of my brothers disowning me. I don't want to disappoint them; not after everything that they've gone through already.

I want to flee the scene but there's no where I can go. Don is still standing in the doorway, Leo's flanking one side so I can't go towards or rooms, and Raph is blocking the entrance towards the dojo. I'm stuck in the middle.

My brothers' eyes however, aren't directed towards me. We're all frozen and confused, looking at one another. No one dares to ask the question we know we all want solved and Don doesn't dare to give us the answer either.

But just before any of us can say a thing, Donnie reveals something from behind his back. I feel my mouth become dry and my stomach is churning. I don't know why but my head feels heavy and my heart starts pounding. Before I know it, I'm on the ground, shaking and trembling and no way of stopping. My head slams into the floor until it's grasped by someone. I feel hands on me but the touches are very distant. The last thing I see is something white before my eyes roll back into my head.

TMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNT

When I wake up, everything is foggy. I notice I'm lying on the couch and three concerned faces are staring down at me. Did I faint _again_? This is getting really old you know.

"Hey, Mikey," I hear Donnie say softly. I look up at him and smile slightly. He smiles back which I take as an invitation to sit up. He pushes me back though which makes me frown.

"No getting up. You just had a seizure. Can you remember that?" He talks very un-Don-like. Short sentences and clear and understandable words. I know me and Raph often begged for Donnie to speak English instead of Geekish but this is a bit over the top. I feel fine. Although, having a seizure, he said? How did that happen? I open my mouth to ask when-

"You know how he got that way, Don?" Raph asks in my place. "One moment he was fine and the next he laid there shakin'. Sure he fainted a couple a' times after… you know, but he never did somethin' like this."

"I don't really know, guys," Don answers. "Convulsions like this can have multiple reasons to occur. Most likely when the person is suffering from epilepsy but as Mikey hasn't had any attacks before, I think we can rule out that possibility. Another factor can be high blood pressure but I'll have to research that more thoroughly . Still it is possible that no causes can be found which means he is suffering from idiopathic seizures which isn't uncommon in children and young adults. Maybe I shou-"

"Okay forget I asked," Raph mutters while pulling Don's mask strings. He grumbles but doesn't say anything else. It makes me laugh though and that finally gives me the permission to sit up. As if being the youngest wasn't hard enough before, being three years younger is really a kill-joy. Stupid over-protective brothers with their stupid older brother instincts.

"Can you now please tell me what you found inside…" I take a cautious glance towards Raph. I don't want to upset him right now. But I came to the conclusion that it might be better just to get it over with. You know, like with a band-aid and everything. Maybe it hurts for a bit but it has to be done sometime. If they'll just tell me now I'm still a bit woozy and all, maybe things won't be so bad. Maybe.

I see Donnie's face paling again. _Okay, very maybe_. Both of my other older brothers glance towards him as well which means they don't know yet either. Don takes another deep breath and starts to speak.

"I didn't have to dig very long until I found the casket. You must know, Mikey, that we didn't only steal a headstone. You deserved a complete funeral with the best we could get."

I give them a polite head shake and a much less polite big grin to show them my gratitude. I couldn't ask for any better older brothers. Or at least, their little brother couldn't.

"But when I opened it, well there was a body." Donnie swallows. "It just wasn't the body I expected to find."

Donnie looks up at us nervously, his hands shaking when he reveals some small bones. My breathing becomes difficult again and my head blanks when I recognize one of them. I try to calm myself but it doesn't work. I'm glad I'm not experiencing another seizure though.

"It's a turtle's remains. A small turtle," Leo whispers. Donnie nods while I move my trembling hand over the dead turtles shell. There's no skin only some very small bones, and a tiny greenish shell lying in the palm of Donnie's hand. It's my shell, I'm sure of it. Maybe that shell has been on my back for as long as I remember but that doesn't mean I don't recognize it. It is mine. And I know my older brothers know too. I move my fingers over the small birth spot I have an exact replica off on my own back. This just can't be.

"Why did I shrink, Donnie," I ask my immediate older brother. He just shakes his head putting down the remains where we don't have to look at them anymore.

"I don't know what this means. The only logical explanation is that you de-mutated after your death. But the fact that there is a body means you're not… well the body you're caring isn't the body you had three years ago."

And that is all I need. This is the slap in the face I've been afraid off ever since my conversation with Raph. I don't look any of my brothers in the eyes, afraid they'll reject me as soon as I do. Better leave before they make me.

I jump up and bolt for the front door, not sparing a glance back into the living room. No one stops me, no one shouts for me, and that is all I have to know. I'm not wanted here. I'm not the baby brother who is theirs. They don't need me. All this time I've been back I've only been hurting them; opening up their old wounds and making them think of something they once had but have lost for such a long time.

I'm so drowned in my own thoughts, I don't hear the sound.

**So now you know what was in the casket. Did I confuse you guys already? Well next chapter things will get a little more clear and I'll have another bombshell ready to drop on you. Just make yourselves ready for some action and my old friend, brotherly fluff. In the meantime, don't forget to review because those make me laugh and smile in the morning =)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Now Mikey's feeling very unwanted, his brothers are in shock, and the little brother is running through the sewers not hearing a sound he should have, I think it's time for a change in perspective! Yay! So there's another perspective now and for fun, I'm not gonna tell ya whose it is. It's a secret which you're gonna find out about in the end of the chap so be patient. Enjoy!**

I carefully pull myself out of my hiding place and look around. The quietness calms my nerves slightly and for a moment, I take the time to breath in the fresh air. There is no soul close which makes the ambiance peaceful and rather enjoyable.

I know I can't stay here however. I need to keep moving now I'm able to. The headaches I experienced earlier are now merely dull throbs in the back of my head. I know the vicious attacks can come back though and last time they did, I nearly gave into the blackness that followed. That cannot happen again. Now it is dark, I need to find myself somewhere safe fast. The park I'm in now may be empty, but New York is known as the city which never sleeps, and from experience I know that is true. I can't afford any mistakes.

I make my way through the wet grass and static trees. The coolness of the dew chills my feet and makes me want to move faster. The gates around the park are probably closed off but for me it isn't a problem to climb over the fences. It's even safer as I can choose myself where I want to leave the park. I grip one of the fences near a manhole and start climbing. My legs won't cooperate that well after sitting for hours on end cramped in a hollow tree, but I manage.

When I want to get down again however, I hear voices. I jump instead and feel needles going up and down my legs when I land. I remain standing however and quickly make my way to the manhole.

Within the safety of the sewers, I start one of the longest walks in my life. Not because the distance is long, but because of my physical state. I'm beyond tired and I can feel new headaches springing back to life. After having walked for a few hours, I decide to take a rest. The constant pain in my head hasn't laid down since I've started my journey and only increased in severity.

I'm happy to be seated now and lean my painful forehead against the cool sewer walls. After the brief rest, I look around and sigh again. I know where I am but that doesn't make me feel any better. I'm nowhere near the place I have to go to and I'm not sure if I will be able to reach it within one night. Not in the condition I'm in now.

I stand up nevertheless and push myself to go on. I use the walls I've leaned against a few moments ago, as a support when I take one step after another.

I have no idea for how long I walked after that. I feel dizzy and sick but keep on moving. It is then that a blur of green moves past me. I call after him but he goes so fast that he doesn't hear what I say to him. I know it will be nearly impossible for me to catch up to him so I make my way forward instead of going after the turtle. The pain in my head wouldn't allow me to run either.

It's only ten minutes later that I walk into the three other turtles that were following the fourth. I move my tired eyes over their strengthened bodies till I reach the eyes of the first turtle.

Raphael's green eyes, normally blazing with fiery passion, are now full of sorrow and worry. My heart jumps at the sight and I quickly turn my eyes away. I've never seen so much sadness within my strongest child. But because I have averted my eyes, I can't see the relief that comes after. The happiness and joy that no one will ever think could come from Raphael, when he takes in the person in front of him.

Next my eyes move towards my eldest boy. Leonardo's dark blue eyes look at me with pure shock after which tears form. I've hardly ever seen him cry before and even when he did, it was almost never in front of his younger brothers. Not even when they were little turtle tots. How much I wish for Leonardo to become the little boy he once was again, so he could look like this more often. Because the emotions now written on his face, are those of pure delight and comfort.

Lastly I look towards Donatello who doesn't look back for long before coming into a hug. His eyes golden eyes though, are sparkling more than I've ever seen them. Mostly they do that when he has made a new discovery or finished a new project. Although I have seen them when he comforted his only younger brother as well, as that always made him feel proud. Now they are directed towards me, however, when I take him in my arms.

The other two come too. I had never thought I would see the day that my most violent child would come into an embracement this eagerly, but he does. A feeling of warmth spreads through me when I feel their skin onto mine and for a moment my headaches are forgotten. I can't feel relieved though. There is someone missing.

"My sons," I whisper. "Where is Michelangelo?"

**AAAAAHH another one has RETURNED! How awesome is this story! I like bringing dead characters back, they make my other characters all happy again. I hope I made you guys happy too and I promise next chapter is going to be longer and fluffier. If you need any fluff right now, read my new chapter from How to chase away the cold in a moment. I'm working on it now ;). **

**For anyone who can guess what the sound is that Mikey didn't hear, they can ask me a favour. Doesn't matter what it is but it has to be something I can do and something reasonable. See ya! **


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey guys! Here's the new chapter. I won't update as often as I did last week because the holidays are over now **** And I have a testweek coming up so actually I don't even have time for writing this chapter. But well, another year of failing math won't hurt. Oh wait! It does…**

**At least enjoy the chapter and you can hate me afterwards ;)**

Mikey's p.o.v

I wince when the claws seep deeply into my skin. Blood flows down my left arm but I don't pay it any attention. I can't. The attacks keep coming and I don't have my weapons on me. They're still back at the lair and when I ran out I didn't really think of taking anything with me. Not that I could've seen _this_ coming. On the other hand turtle-luck is a tricky thing.

I keep dodging and jumping but I'm getting tired fast. The assaults come quicker and quicker and my legs are aching badly. They've been lying still for over three years so it really isn't a surprise that I lost some muscle mass. The problem is that I can't run away from this mess because I know I won't be at full speed. And full speed is what I need right now.

Another cut is made across my plastron but it isn't that deep. It hardly bleeds. Still it tells me that I'm slacking off. Maybe I should've trained more after all, just like Leo and Sensei always told me to. If I'd done that, I wouldn't even be in this mess to begin with. If I'd paid attention to my surroundings instead of sulking about my brothers wanting to dispose of me, I could've run.

"Where are your brothers, turtle? Shouldn't they be here to protect you?"

Ouch. I know he's just trying to get me out of my focus but still… ouch. The truth is, I really want my brothers here with me. Not because together we could take him down, no problem, but because it would mean that they still care about me. That they didn't disown me as soon as they found out I wasn't the brother they wanted back. But I've hurt them much more than this hurts me, I know that. It's better I got away so they can get on with their lives. Raph mentioned that they got along fine without me anyways.

So the easy thing then would be just to let myself get killed. But I don't want that either. I don't want to die just after coming back from dead. There must be a something for me to do in this life or I would be buried still. I wonder why it actually matters to me what happened. Not much to live for now. No place to go and no people to be with.

A hard punch against my face brings me back. I'm cornered against a slimy sewer wall and have nowhere to go. I try to get away by throwing some gooey sludge in his face but it only makes him growl louder. I tightly close my eyes, just like the last time I died, and wait for the inevitable pain.

Only seconds later, I'm in the warm, furry arms of someone I know far too well. There are sounds in the background but I can't hear where those are coming from or why it's there. The only thing that exists for me is my father, my Sensei, hugging me close. I burry my head into his chest, just out of habit, and let a few tears slip. How much I missed him.

"Dad?" I whisper quietly. No reason to be loud when you're dead. "Where are we exactly? I can't remember this."

My father carefully pulls me out of the hug and smiles at me patiently. His fingers brush away the tears that escaped down my cheeks and cups my face. I sniff and the aroma of tea and salty tears fills my nose. This reminds me of the countless of times my father reassured me.

"You're alright, my son. As am I. Our family has found ourselves together again."

I don't look behind me. I know it's my brothers who make the sounds I heard. They're fighting my worst nightmare. They're doing it for me. They followed me to this hell and they now make sure that nothing else will hurt me. And father, he came back. He's here, cuddling me and treating me like he did when I was little and sick or scared. Far in the back of my head his presence also comforts me because it means I'm not the only one. We have two in our family who have returned from the impossible place. I'm not alone anymore.

I don't know how much later it is but eventually our whole family is sitting together on the sewer floors. In the distance I heard how my attacker escaped. Raph had been shouting but eventually calmed down. Now he's here, holding onto my shoulder for dear life. Donnie is keeping his hand on the bleeding wound on my arm and Leo is scolding me for running away, while affectionately rubbing my head and face the a couple of times. Master Splinter's arms are still loosely wrapped around me, cocooning me in a warm ball of safety. I bask in all the attention, every touch and every word replacing the feelings of loneliness, fear and rejection I carried not too long ago.

Maybe I have a place within the family after all. I have certainly changed, even the body I wear isn't mine, but they have too. Master Splinter went through the same ordeal as I did although he looks calmer than I felt in the beginning. And the guys are different because of the years of suffering they had went through. Maybe they don't need _their_ baby brother back but just need a baby brother. I can do that for them.

After God knows how long, everybody stands up. Sensei leads us back home while talking to my oldest brother. I'm behind them with Raph next to me. Donnie walks after us, keeping a close eye on the cut on my arm which just stopped bleeding. I smile at the protective way they walk around me. It feels like an impenetrable shield, keeping anything dangerous or harmful away. And I know that they will. That's what family can be trusted for.

My smile drops again. Yes, I can trust my family now with heart and soul. But what about the only certainty I had ever since I came back from the death? The only thing I didn't have to worry about, what didn't change when I was gone. The assurance of not seeing my killer ever again, has faded into the night with every new cut he has made on me today.

**Yay happy family! I just needed to write this I wanted to have them back together again! Not bad don't you think, as we started with only three brothers and now, after more than three years and 14 chapters, we have four bro's and a father again! :D The Happiness! Just too bad the happiness had to be paid by Razhar coming back from death too (for if you hadn't figured that out yet haha). Oh well read, rave, review and hate me for bringing bad guys back who will kill, and did kill, good guys. **


	15. Chapter 15

**A new chapter yay! Sorry for the long wait but school got in the way. Same goes for my other stories so that's why today is mega update day :D If I'll make it that is, but I'll try. **

**Here's the new chapter and I hope you'll enjoy it **

Raph's p.o.v

I'm doing what I always do when stuff just doesn't make sense to me anymore and my anger's getting the better of me. I'm not destroying things though. Ever since Sensei got killed Leo didn't want me to rip apart stuff from the dojo. He taught me to release my excess energy by doing katas although they're never as coordinated and flawless as katas should be. At least I'm not breaking stuff, well except for today when Mikey pissed me off.

Mikey. Every time I see him I'm so relieved he's there but then there's this voice in my head telling me he's not _my_ baby brother. He can't be because that one died while I was completely USELESS!

Another swirl of rage moves itself through my body and I speed up my moves, crying out when finishing one kata and continuing with the next. I failed my brother, I didn't protect him. I messed up everything for us that day and made our family fall apart, no matter what Leo says about me not being guilty. I know I am.

And the worst is, now both Mike and Splinter are back. Our lives could go back to normal and we can be a happy family again right? Wrong. These two aren't my family. When I yelled at Mikey I felt bad because his imposter reacted the way my little brother would react. But when I hugged him something strange happened. And when Donnie showed me my _real_ brother's remains I understood what that feeling was. It was the guilt again. The guilt for replacing a family member. Replacing my brother, my baby brother, for someone who looks and acts just like him but can never be him. Another part in which I failed Mikey.

I stop my katas and sit down, energy spent. I don't know what to do anymore. I want my father and little brother back, I really do. But how can I get them back? If I accept these new versions of them I feel like betraying my own blood. I just can't do that.

"Hey Raph, can you come?" Donnie's standing in the doorway, a big smile plastered on his face. It hasn't left ever since we found Master Splinter.

"What for?" I grumble, standing up and glaring at my younger brother for interrupting me.

"Master Splinter wants to tell us something. He says it's important." With that he walks away leaving me with no reason but to follow him.

When I come in I see Sensei, Leo and Don sitting on the couch, watching me expectantly. No Mikey though. Before I can even ask, Splinter already answers.

"Michelangelo is rather upset about the fight he had. I decided he will need to rest his mind before I can tell him what I know about our current… state. It might be hard for him to hear."

I nod slightly but don't say anything. I'm actually glad Mike isn't here right now. He makes me more nervous than Master Splinter, probably because me and him have always been so close.

I sit down with my family and share a quick glance with my two other brothers. I'm kind of curious about what Sensei has to say. Especially because Donnie's been puzzled about it ever since Leo brought Mikey in.

"What I want to tell you, my sons, is that I have meditated over the matter and have found some answers. You must know that when I woke up the sun was already coming up and therefore I have been in hiding for a complete day before venturing into the sewers."

"But that means you've returned a week after Mikey," Donnie suddenly interrupts. "I thought it was curious that you came back a couple of days after him so I did some calculations. I couldn't come up with anything however. But if I subtract about twelve hours from my original idea, the time between your and Mikey's returning equals exactly the time between your deaths."

Sensei nods thoughtfully before returning back to his story.

"I can't validate your assumption with what I know, Donatello, but it sounds likely. When I meditated I tried to reach towards your spirits and found the three of you but not Michelangelo. It saddened me deeply as I had hoped that the incredible thing had happened to me would have befallen to him. However when I fell into a deeper trance I noticed my own spirit to be different than it used to be."

So they aren't the same. I knew it. Sensei always told us our spirits defined who we are. There could never be a spirit identical to our own and when we changed our spirits change with us. There is no way these imposters could be my family.

"I cannot tell you how it happened but someone sought contact with me," Master Splinter continues, looking at me with harsh eyes. Does he know what I just thought? When I look a bit better at his features I recognize the harsh look as pain and fear. I don't know why though.

"The demon which entered my mind gave me visions of a place of death and unmentionable suffering. I fought against him but I was not strong enough. The creature told me that it would be the place a returned shall go to when failing his purpose. He told me in total fifty have returned of which four are mutants. I wanted to ask him which mutants there were other than me but the connection was broken."

We all sit in silence when the story is finished. It's quite a lot to take in. I thought my biggest worry would be how to cope with having a second Mikey and Splinter inside our house but now there is a possibility they might vanish forever? I'm not happy they're here but I don't want them dead all over again. That'd be too much.

"But what is the task, Sensei?" Leo suddenly asks. "What are you and Mikey supposed to do?"

Master Splinter shook his head, an indication that he didn't know either. "I'm afraid Michelangelo and I will have to find that out on our own. As well as who the other people are who share our predicament."

"Well we know at least three of the mutants. You, Mikey and Razhar. I wonder who is the third one though. If it's Fishface Razhar wouldn't have gone into the sewers alone. But other than that I don't know that any mutants in New York who died."

I shake my head and stand up. I've heard enough. Behind me Leo and Donnie start a discussion while Sensei follows me with a steady gaze. I try not to look into his eyes, afraid to see that same harsh look again.

Then, within a second, my rat-teacher is in front of me. I know he's a highly trained ninja and all but really?! I was practically out of the room! No one can move so fast I swear.

I look up into my father's familiar face and see his gaze has softened. It reminds me of how much I've really missed him over the years. Two arms cocoon around me and pull me in for a brief hug. I let it go for once. Just as fast as the embracement came, Master Splinter pulls back and looks me straight into the eye.

"Do not give in to reason when it comes to a decision of the heart. Rely on your instincts, Raphael, they have always been your strongest weapon."

With that he walks away, leaving me staring after him, mouth agape.

**So I gave you another couple of hints now. You already know where I want to go with this story? No? Good. I hope you enjoined a little Raph again. Sorry for the late update and hope to see you guys all soon ;) Please leave a review while you're at it okay?**


	16. Chapter 16

**Another chapter! My testweek is finally over so FREEDOM! But now I don't have an excuse anymore I'll have more chapters updated a hell of a lot sooner. Sorry for the delay again. My other stories will be updated tomorrow or somewhere this weekend, I promise. **

Leo's p.o.v

To be honest, I was surprised when Master Splinter suddenly vanished from his seat next to me and disappeared into the hallway. I know it isn't my business or anything but I wonder what he has to tell Raph. It must be urgent or he wouldn't have done all this effort to corner him there.

I share a look with the only other person left in the room. Donnie merely shrugs and stands up, telling me that if he is needed he'll be in his lab. It takes me a while to figure out what he means with that and when I do, I inwardly groan at the task.

I slowly drag myself upstairs and stop in front of my youngest brother's bedroom door. I don't understand what is keeping me from going inside, but the feeling to get away is quite strong. A sense of dread creeps its way through my body and leaves me ice-cold. What am I so afraid of?

A muffled sob vibrates through the door and my heart clenches. That's what I'm afraid of. My baby brother reaching his breaking point. He's been through so much and hardly let his true pain show. He tried to cheer us up, for cripes' sake. And he did a really good job at that too. I wonder if he even knows how important he is in our family.

But fighting with his killer, that's the final straw. He can't take it anymore. He's still afraid of Raph's rejection too. I'm even afraid of that. Raph's complicated and you can never know what is going on inside his head. He could blow up on Mikey any moment, and even at all of us. Ever since he lost a part of his family he hasn't been the same. Especially when it comes to trusting people or showing his emotions and inner-turmoil. I just wish Raph would understand what he's putting Mikey through. I noticed how Mike kept glancing at his older brother when we walked him and our father home. As if he needed to check Raph was still there for him and not blaming him for something he can't help.

I shake my head, trying to clear all the negative emotions, and push the door open. Mike isn't here to pick up the pieces now. We can't rely on him to constantly do that. It's our turn to have his back for once and to help him back on his feet.

I step into the room with renewed determination but it quickly drops. When I slide into the too bright room I can hear my heart break. My baby brother is curled up as small as possible and is gently crying in his arms. He's sitting in front of the shrine which has both the candles lit. Every lamp inside the room, which is a lot because Mike never liked the darkness even when he got older, is lit as well.

I don't hesitate and pull my brother close to me, waiting for him to sob all his hurt out that has been building up over the last couple of days. He doesn't however.

I feel him leaning into me, taking in the comfort of his older brother's presence. He pulls his head up to look at me and smiles slightly despite the fear lurking in his eyes. Again, not only the fear of what just happened to him, but also the fear of losing us. It's a sincere and true smile though and it surprises me he can pull it off.

"I turned on the lights," Mikey whispers softly. "I think he likes that more than the dark."

I stare at my younger brother incredulously. _He?_ What is he talking about? A growl escapes my lips which causes my brother to wince. I frown at his contorted features and gently rub away some tears to relax him.

"What do you mean with 'he'?" I ask coldly, my anger clearly showing. "You're him, Mikey. Don't let Raph make you believe anything else because this is the truth. You're my brother, my baby brother who just happened to be a bit younger than he used to be. Nothing else. Father isn't a different person either, now is he?"

Mikey doesn't answer me so I decide to continue. I need to get this insane idea out of his head. He hurts enough as it already is. The doubt I felt in the beginning is fading as now I'm sure I can help him with this. I just need to let him know that at least one brother hasn't disowned him and would never dream of doing such a thing for the rest of his life. But how to tell Mikey?

While I ponder on my last thoughts my eyes focus on the answer. For Mikey deeds have always counted more than words anyway. Not that anyone can be as good with words as he is.

I hold my brother close again, tucking his head under my chin. He burrows in happily although his tears haven't completely stopped falling. Vaguely I notice how perfectly he fits inside my embraces, no matter how old we are or how much we grow. I grab the piece of fabric from behind him, trying not to get him to notice what I'm doing. I let the soft touch of the cloth caress my fingers and for a moment I hesitate, doubting if this really is the best thing for me to do. I shake the feeling of though, and tie the orange mask around my baby brother's eyes. It startles him and for a moment, big, fearful eyes look up at me.

"There you go. Can't have my brother running around without his mask, now can I?"

After a few seconds, which feel like ages to me, Mikey nods and chuckles lightly. He wipes his tears away and hugs me one more time for good measure.

"Thank you, Leo. I feel better now."

He stands up and pulls at his mask tails, carefully undoing the knot again. He places the fabric back on the shrine and looks at me.

"Thanks for the help, but I'm not the Mikey you guys are looking for. I heard what Sensei said and I'm okay with it. As long as I'm here, and I'll try my hardest to stay here as long as possible, I'll stay with you guys if you want me to. But I don't want to be the real Mikey. I don't want to pick things up where we left them. I want to be your brother but I'm not taking the other's place. I don't want to."

I feel like crying right now but know that isn't an option. New tears are traveling down Mikey's cheeks and I pull him down on the ground again so his eyes are focusing on mine.

"You are Mikey. You have Mikey's smile, his cheery mood. You have his blue eyes and the innocent glint that inhabits them. You behave like him, you talk like him. You're still a hurricane when you fight and you make us happy whenever you walk into the room. You have Mikey's memories even. You are him, little brother, stop denying that."

I reach behind me and grab the orange mask again. I hand it to my youngest brother, the one I thought I would never see again, and give him a well-deserved smile.

"Put it on, Michelangelo. A true Hamato-warrior needs his mask."

I don't know if it is the fact that I used his full name. Or maybe because I called him a Hamato-warrior. However, I see how his face lits up like the fourth of July and know I did the right thing. Mikey ties the knot on the back of his head with practiced ease and gives me another hug. This one is not for comfort, but one of gratitude. I give him an affectionate pet on the head and lead him out of the room. I keep the lights on though. My baby brother likes it better that way.

**So who's interested in Raph's reaction on Mikey wearing his mask again? Anyone? Oh well, tell me what you thought and I'll be back soon. Very soon. So beware… See ya!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Happy Sinterklaas! Okay I know you guys have no idea who that is (at least Athese does :p) but it's a celebration day in my country so just play along please. The dude brings us presents so be happy for me :D**

**And you can blame him too because if it wasn't for this day, I would have updated a hell of a lot sooner but a day like this asks for preparations and stuff so yeah. Sorry I guess?**

**Anyways enjoy this next chapter and see ya guys soon enough.**

The fabric around my eyes feels comforting and foreign at the same time. It's something I remember, something from our childhood and something I had always with me. But now I know I'm not the real Michelangelo, even though I feel like I'm him, it kinda seems like I'm fooling myself. As if some part of me wants to hold onto the lies Leo fed me just so I can feel a bit better.

I sigh softly. That isn't fair. I need to stop being selfish and think about the guys, my brothers. They need to understand that I don't want to be their brother anymore, at least not the one they lost. And it certainly doesn't help if they keep calling me their baby brother and insist that I wear his mask. The orange isn't me. It was him.

I'm so drowned in my own thoughts I don't hear the door slamming. I can't see Leo abruptly stopping in front of me which makes me bump into him. But only when my older brother takes a sharp breath I actually look up and notice Raph coming into the living room at the same time we do.

Oh yeah, another reason why this was a bad idea. Raph is gonna kill Leo or me. Or both of us. Probably the latter now I see how his eyes are blazing with fiery anger and his hands are forming tight fists on either side of his body. In the back of my mind I wonder for a second what would happen if you killed a person who's already been dead once, but I quickly push away the thought when both Leo and Raph take steps forward. I don't want them to fight over something stupid like me. I've broken this family up more than I ever wanted and I don't want to make matters worse. Maybe they should have left me behind, let me get slaughtered by Razhar. Even though I keep reminding myself how glad I am they didn't.

"Guys, please," I mutter, stepping into the living room as well. "I'll just take it off again, no big deal, see?"

Too little, too late. There's no cooling Raph's fires when they get started and it isn't that easy to try and show Leo that I'm indeed better off without the thing. Both my older brothers are pretty hard-headed.

"Hey guys."

Did I say both? Because here comes hard-headed- I'm always right-brother number three. I'm screwed.

I can see the flash of, what is it pain?, coming over my immediate older brother's face before he covers it up with a nervous smile. "What's going on in here?"

"I'll tell ya what's goin' on here! That punk prettendin' to be our brother had the guts to take 'is mask, our baby bro's mask, and go wearin' it."

Now Leo tries to intervene but I know it will end up in only more shouting so I try to stop him with a soft touch on the shoulder. He shrugs me off however and stands squarely before my red-clad brother.

"I gave it to him."

I wince and swallow with difficulty. Neither of my brothers notices my discomfort though. They keep staring each other in the eyes, trying to figure out who will break first. I quietly slip closer towards Donnie, subconsciously seeking comfort with him, like I did when I was little and my two eldest bros would fight.

"Get away from him," a voice full of venom throws my way. "I won't let you anywhere near my brothers, understood?"

I slowly turn around and want to cry at the murderous look Raph's giving me. I hunch into myself but it isn't enough. I've never seen someone look at me this way, not even my worst enemies. But to see this look from the brother I admire the most, that hurts.

"Please Raph. I'm not here to hurt you, I promise. Just don't sent me away from here, please," and although I feel like I hurt my family already too much, I mean what I say. I want to stay here, I take it back about them leaving me to get killed. I love my brothers too much to just leave them like this. I can't remember what happened in the three years I was dead but I know I wasn't with my family and that thought is too awful to handle.

My second oldest brother takes three quick steps forward and pushes me down. Donnie tries to grab me but he misses. Leo tries to hold Raph back but he's roughly thrown to the side. This is Raph's choice right now, but I'm scared for what he is going to do.

A sai goes down, the blinking knife coming closer and closer to my head and finally the tears I held in slip. The pain I expect to come isn't there however and when I open my eyes, I have no idea when I closed them, I see how the orange bandanna which was around my head seconds ago, flutters down. Raph had cut it lose with a scary precision I secretly thought he wasn't capable of.

His calloused hand grabs the orange fabric with a tenderness I hadn't thought he could do when this angry and his head comes close to mine. I can feel his breath against my face when he speaks.

"Do not piss me off or you'll have some real problems on your hands."

With that my brother stands up, runs past Leo and slams his bedroom door closed. I get to my feet as well and stare up at my two older brothers still in the room.

"I'm sorry," I mutter and walk away. I feel tears flowing down my cheeks again as I find the door to my room. Vaguely I wonder why neither Leo nor Don tried to do something about Raph. He could have killed me for all they knew and they just let him. The tears come faster and faster and I suddenly jolt up when a soft hand wipes them away.

TMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNT

"Donnie!" I shout startled. I look around and gather that I'm on the couch and have fallen asleep. A nightmare. I worried about Raph's reaction ever since Leo led me downstairs with my new attire. Luckily my hot-headed brother wasn't home then which is why I eventually crashed on the couch. I was waiting for him to get back. To talk to him before he got mad.

"You got a nightmare?" Don asks softly when he comes to sit next to me. The hand that pulled me out of my dreams was his. I shrug not really in the mood to explain things to him.

"Is Raph home already?" I ask him carefully but he immediately shakes his head.

"I'm getting worried actually. He's been out for quite some time already and it's broad day light outside. Me and Leo have been looking through the sewers but we couldn't find him."

I nod slowly but can't ignore the sinking pit in my stomach. At one hand I'm relieved I won't have to face Raph's wrath yet but on the other hand I'm scared for my big brother. He's gotten himself in so much trouble before that's kinda hard not to.

A soft bleeping sound comes from the lab and Donnie stands up. "I tracked Raph's phone," he explains. "You coming?"

I stand up and walk over to my purple-clad brother who wraps his arms around my shoulder. I smile up at him while he wipes away some stray tears I hadn't noticed myself.

"It's gonna be just fine, baby bro," he says in my ear. My only reply is a soft murmur of "I hope so."

**Hahaha be honest who did I fool? Who actually thought the nightmare was Raph's reaction? Be honest, no lying I just want to know if my writing's any good that I can fool people or not. **

**Anyways I hope you guys liked this small piece and the bit of bro-fluff at the end (couldn't let you guys go without, now could I). Happy Sinterklaas again and chocolate letters for everyone who reviews!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey guys! So yeah sorry for being absent for so long but just like with my other stories, it was because I punched a kid in the face and broke his nose. Got my computer taken away from me for two weeks because of that -.- Anyways because I feel bad I thought it would be nice to update this story as well and I think you guys will like it as much as I do. It's evil XD**

**A special thanks to all those kind reviewers out there who take the time to read and review this story! And a special thanks to 6Suzy7, bookworm563, .7, Poetique-Justyce,** **TJHECTOR, MissCookiiie and HopeandStruggle for their continuing support. And of course cup-mikey-gertha, Pimino and Athese who help me out and write extra-long reviews which make me wanna squeal and cry! And thanks to everyone who helped me get a 111 reviews for this story. You guys rock!**

**Here's the next chappie!**

Raph's p.o.v

DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT!

How could this have happened? I should've paid more attention and sure I shouldn't have gotten out of the lair to begin with but, damn it! This is so bad. My head is throbbing badly because of the blow it had taken. Knocked me out immediately and I feel like I'm concussed as I'm dizzy and my eyes have a hard time focusing.

I struggle a bit and test the ropes which bind me to the chair. They're strong and thick and the tips of my fingers are already feeling a bit strange as tight as they're bound. I look around but the warehouse I'm in is dark. The windows are sealed with black paper and there are no lights. Actually the whole place is just empty except for me and the chair.

There is a loud sound at the end of the warehouse but my back is turned towards it so I can't see what is happening. The room seems a bit brighter for a second but it quickly fades away. I crane my neck but it only upsets my head more. I can hear footsteps coming closer. Heavy footsteps of a beast ten times larger than I am.

When he finally stands in front of me, I look up in familiar eyes framed by a black mask. They never leave mine and I glare steadily into them. He doesn't say a thing though and slowly moves until he's standing right in front of me, looking down. I hate it when they do that. It makes me feel vulnerable.

"Spike," I say calmly, trying to just break the silence engulfing us. As much as I always told Mikey to shut up, over the years I've come to hate the silence and lost my yearning for it along with my respect. I used to think the nothingness, the soundlessness, meant something good. That is, until it vanished from my life. Then it is something you would want to have back and you'll work for that with all of your might.

The beast chuckles. "I wonder why you keep calling me by that. I thought I made it quite clear I'm not a stupid, mindless pet anymore."

I shrug a bit but don't react. If it wasn't for all the crazy stuff that always happened in my life, I probably would've freaked out big time. Maybe I would be in denial, telling myself this was just a dream. I probably should still hope for that. Or at least wish that the return-from-the-dead-gene is inheritable. I snort at that. No way I'm coming out of this place alive, that much I know.

"You not wondering why I'm here, partner?" He spats the last word out like it's something repulsive. To him it probably is. The thing is, he doesn't know how many people, or should I say mutants, I've already seen returning.

"Not really. I've seen a lot of weird stuff lately. You're not really anything special."

Again he chuckles. Faintly I try to see the small pet turtle in him he once was. It doesn't work. All I can see is a monster. A raging animal who hurt my brothers, almost killed them. And that last thing with Donnie… I shudder. Why did he need to come back? Why did this happen to us?

"Well that's just rude. You know Raphael, I've done nothing wrong to you. I wanted us to be a team, to release you from your burdens, the ones you always complained about to me."

I growl. "I changed my mind. As if I would ever want my family to get hurt!" A small pang travels through my stomach. My family. My broken family. I'm still not sure what to think of Mikey and Sensei but I want them back so badly. I just don't know what to do with them. How can that stupid guilty feeling get away? It makes me sick to be angry with the two people I wish for to come back but at the same time I get so angry when I think of replacing them with cheap copies.

Another dark laugh, sounding exactly, well, like Slash. The beast and monster he's always been. Okay so maybe he isn't a _cheap_ copy but still they are nothing but replicas, I'm sure of that.

"You know what, Raphael. I liked you before, I really did. You were a good owner and taught me stuff. It was kinda annoying when you started to pour your heart out but still you were a good guy."

He starts taking a few steps closer to where I'm sitting. Again I try to loosen up the bonds around my wrists and ankles. Only now I think of tripping the chair but quickly find out it's somehow bolted to the ground. My head is pounding furiously and I know there's no way for me to get out of this one. Not in my condition anyways.

I glance up at my former pet-turtle. I notice his claws extending on each hand and can't help but shiver a little. I'm ready though. I'm ready for everything he wants to get back at me for. He isn't gonna get me down, not even by killing me.

"But then you killed me. You murdered me in cold blood, my own friend. I'm gonna get you back for that," the last part he all but snarls while pointing his razor sharp claws towards me. At some point I feel a stupid sense of relief that I'll die kind of the same way as my little brother did. By the hand of our former friends who betrayed us and will rip us apart. It makes me feel closer to Mikey than I've done in a very long time. The dread suddenly returns though when I think of my other brothers. What will become of them? I can't leave them now. I can't let them down like that. They need the strength of the group. Just like we needed our light, still need our light. If I'm gone, our family has definitely fallen.

"So now you wanna kill me huh? You wanna murder me while I can't even fight back? You're a pussy Slash, ya know that?"

Better buy some time now I still can. I can't give up. I need to buy time for my brothers to find me and otherwise I need to try and get away from here. Raphael Hamato never goes down without a fight.

Slash roars angrily at my words but doesn't say anything either. He seems to be thinking for a couple of seconds before letting his claws down. He slices through the ropes and parts of my skin. I hiss at the stinging cuts but at least I'm still alive and also, not to forget, free.

"That was for murdering me," the larger turtle growls, watching the bleeding cuts on my arms and legs. "And now, the rest of payment."

The turtle lunges at me and I only have seconds to think, Damn it!, before dodging away.

**So yeah, here's Slash ****. I kinda like his character but also needed there to be some bad blood between him and Raph so for me the whole Newtralized! episode and all never really happened. By the way, if Raph seems a little OOC and not really feisty and well Raph-like, I made him a bit slow and tired-looking because of his concussion. Just wanted to know if I kinda did a good job because I'm doubting it a bit. Anyways, I hope you all liked it and see ya all with the next chapter!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Heey guys enjoyed the last cliffhanger! Hehe sorry for not updating so long. Life and all got in the way. I hope you'll like this particular chapter though because it's sort of an experiment. A lot of you always write about Donatello being in 'Doctor Donnie Mode' and that caught my attention. None of you, however write from Donnie's point of view when he's in that state so that's what I'm gonna try. If none of you like it I can always change it to someone else's point of view of course but I think this could be fun.**

**Enjoy!**

Donnie's p.o.v

I try to move through the sewers as fast as possible but Raph is practically dead weight hanging from my shoulders which slows me down considerably. I grab his arm a bit firmer for more support and I notice how my older brother tries to help as much as he can. Good. With the speed we're going combined with the blood he's losing I guess he'll be exhausted when we get home. When he is he'll be easier to treat.

When the lair comes into view I quickly start a mental list of what to do and when to do it. First off, blood loss. He obviously supports a concussion and having a low blood count won't do him any good. I need to stave off the wounds as soon as I can and get him cleaned before infections set in. Before we both half-run towards my lab, I make a map inside my head of where his worst wounds are and how bad.

_The biting cold of the outside air leaves my skin as soon as we break into the warehouse from which Raph's cell-signal came from. It's dark but the sounds of fighting aren't hard to miss. Leo leads us towards a door and only now I can hear of whom the roaring behind it actually belongs. Leo pales considerably while Mikey mostly looks surprised. Logical. Before he 'left' we hadn't really dealt with Slash anymore. That was after everything went downhill. It got so bad Raph almost didn't come back from their last fight. I think both me and Leo are thinking of that time. _

_Leo gives us the sign and we all bash in. I gasp. The gigantic turtle is standing over Raph, who is desperately trying to avoid his sharp claws. I quickly notice how he isn't as fast as normal. He is bleeding from his right arm and leg and every time he lands he seems to be swaying and losing his footing. _

_Apparently our entrance distracts both fighters but Slash recovers sooner. A large blow is aimed at Raph's plastron while one of his claws connects with his neck which starts to bleed profusely._

"_Raph!"_

_Leo and Mikey immediately charge. Even after such a long time we all remember our roles well. Mine is that of a doctor. When I make my way over to my immediate older brother Leo gives me a silent nod, telling me to get Raph to safety. They can handle it. That doesn't mean that I won't look back for another fifty times before me and Raph truly leave the warehouse behind us. An uneasy feeling sets into my stomach when they leave my view but it quickly replaces itself with the unending concern for my very quiet red-clad brother. _

Raph is now lying on the cot. First the bleeding on his neck. I remove the blood-soaked red bandana which was tied around it first. Even though the colours are the same, it's easy to see what is blood and what is fabric. The blood has a much more grim and dark colour and to my disappointment it is smeared all across the mask. The gash isn't deep which probably is the reason why he is still breathing, but the back of his head is hit by the giant claws as well and head wounds bleed a lot.

Okay, severity is accessed. Now a plan of treatment. I walk around my lab, grab the disinfectant, ready a needle and threat and fill a bowl with hot water. Time to get to work. Clean out the wound, stitch the skin closed, be careful! Not to tight or it won't heal. Maybe I should leave this nick unstitched. It might scar because of that but he'll need enough stitches as it already is. And it isn't like I got a lot of this medical supplies. Only when the bleeding is too severe stitches are needed. Now his neck. Same procedure. After that clean his head and neck from the wound. Rub some disinfectant, not to harsh or you'll upset the stitches! Now wrap it up in bandages and let it rest.

Next are the slashes on his limbs. First the arm, that one is the worst. Same procedure as the head but more difficult. Why, oh, why does he have such a tough skin?! His leg isn't any easier. Lucky for Raph the slashes are short but plenty. If there would be any long ones he should probably have been put on bed rest and that would be an awful time for the both of us.

Now let me look in your eyes Raph, damn it stop pulling away. I know it hurts your head, just deal with it!

"C'mon Raph, just open your eyes a little. That's it you're doing good. Okay let me see, it doesn't look that bad no worries."

Damn it, can't he stop blinking? And this is heard enough to deal with this without him pushing my arms away constantly. And there you have it, blood pushing his way through the bandage on his arm. Now I can disinfect that again.

"Let me see your arm again okay? After that I'll give you some pills and you can sleep."

Rebandaging doesn't take long and when my stubborn brother has finally taken his pills and falls asleep, I heave a sigh of relief. I hate Raph being the patient. He'll never listen! Even when being severely concussed.

I stand up and get my stopwatch. I set it on two hours and let it count down. The worst about concussions is having to wake the patient up every time. Not just because they're annoyed and therefore they'll give me a hard time, but also because it means I'll have to stay awake the whole time as well.

I sigh and rub my eyes. Too much stress. Too much happening. I look around my lab and smile. If I can't sleep it's better to get some work done. That way I can also keep an eye on Raph and wait for Mikey and Leo to return. I grab my T-phone and check it for messages. Nothing. I wonder if I should send one but dismiss it. They'll contact me as soon as they have time. And they're together, no reason to worry, right? My own reassuring thoughts won't calm my mind.

I clear my desk and start rummaging through some boxes. Enough projects to be done, enough stuff to fix. When I finally find what I'm looking for I start working, a relaxed smile on my face when automatic movements combined with a calculated mind break apart one of the kitchen appliances Leo managed to destroy a week ago.

**Hmm I think I like it. And I guess because of this I like Donnie a bit better now. Not that I **_**didn't**_** like him but just not as much as the others. Anyways, tell me what you think and all and please comment on my writing-style. Now I've chosen what I want to study on university I'm sure I want to continue writing so tips and tops on it would be awesome. Thanks!**


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